Recurrant Impulsive Self-Harm Actions That I Have Successfully Avoided, Arranged By Descending Strength/Frequency

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  • Punch self in face and head indefinitely.

  • Fall into traffic/onto train track.

  • Saw fingers off in the middle of a bone with anything dull.

  • Batter lower body indefinitely.

  • Remove bottom jaw.

  • Slam teeth into a corner to break them; swallow the shards.

  • Bite thumbs off.

  • Punch a hard surface until my hands shatter, rendering them permanently useless.

  • Stop taking medications cold.

  • Chew on, and then eat, my tongue.

  • Remove eyes with spoons.

  • Break a window with my head.

  • Put needle through one ear; pull it out the other.

  • Rip as much hair off my body as possible with my hands.

  • Drive a wire between each bone of my hand.

  • Colour over pupils with sharpies.

  • Kick a wall until my feet break.

  • Put forearm into a vice lengthwise, tighten vice as much as possible.

  • Scratch at legs until blood is drawn.

  • Saw between each of my toes until it reaches my leg.

  • Shave head and/or scalp self.

  • Crawl on broken glass.

  • Non-fatally shoot self.

  • Play “Five Finger Fillet”

  • Nail myself to a motor vehicle.

  • Lay suspended above fires.

  • Carve occult symbols onto my torso and then flagellate self.

Author Comments: 

A performance-art-piece. 2011.

AKA How To Be a Wimp (And Still Feel Good About It)

A real man would.

Well I don't feel good about it so that is somewhat inaccurate.

I guess you're a Chris Burden fan, then.