The Moxie Chronicles: My Experiences In The Select(Dare I Say Elite) Brotherhood That Is Moxie Drinkers

First off for those of you who don't know, Moxie is the oldest soda around, yes, it was even around before coke, but no one tells you that cause it's not as interesting... It was at one time a national treasure, but now it is sold almost exclusively in New England and as far as I can tell only abundantly in Central and Northern Maine. For those who don't like it, it's a rank tasting, thick mess, that is described best as toothpaste oil(wintergreen is a primary ingredient)... for those who drink it, it's like a rite of passage, no fellow Moxie drinker is a stranger, the best analogy i can think of is that of war veterans... anyway I often have funny experiences with other members and i will start to record them here.

as if you need any more proof that Moxie is the best ever!

July 12th 2004... "Hey Nice Soda!"

I was standing in line at the gas station, with moxie in hand of course, and this guy behind me taps me on the shoulder and says, simply, "nice soda", and i return with a huge smile and say "i know, it's all i drink". He says "it's great, i love it". Still with a huge smile on my face, I deliver the "i'm glad"... commence the snuffing. For a week i was afraid i might have been kicked out of the brotherhood, that is, until i got a moxie bottle wave from someone in a passing truck while i was walking to my mailbox with a moxie in hand, a week later. What I want to know is, what committee got together and declared that "I'm glad" wasn't friendly banter anymore.

April 25th 2005... The Diet Break-up Incident

Now let me start off by saying that a store carrying diet moxie is even more unlikely, for obvious reasons, than it selling moxie. Wal-Mart here in Maine happens to be one of those places and they sell moxie by the 6-pack(quite a treat, as i prefer cans, hence the only reason i really go to wal-mart at all). So I'm there to buy moxie and this guy and his girlfriend are hogging that section of the isle, i just happen to overhear their convorsation while i was waiting for my chance to grab a six pack. He started by enthusiastically stating that he "loves moxie" and that he couldn't believe they were selling it so cheap and that he hadn't noticed it in any stores for a while and how it had been a few monthes since he'd had one. "you have to try it" he suggests to his girlfriend and she inquires "can we get diet?". He refuses sternly and she loudly demands to know "why not!". He pretensiously says "because", the girl, now thinking that maybe he just doesn't like diet suggests that they purchase one of each. The guy, obviously fed up, says "we are not buying diet moxie"... she again inquires "why not?" and he again responds unspecifically "because it's just not right". She proceeds to loudly proclaim "if you're going to be an asshole you might as well say goodbye to me"... the guy shrugged and the girl stomped off towards the exit. Just having chosen general Moxie brotherhood etiquette over a woman and indirectly, of course, sex, i felt compelled to confront him. The convorsation went something like this... i grabbed my six pack and said to him "you believe that?"... he said "i know, all over a diet soda"... I said "hey, you did the right thing, Moxie-lover buying diet moxie is like a biker wearing fake leather, it's an embarassment, i would have done the same thing"... he said "at least someone understands, i didn't like her that much anyway, she's into beanie babies and collects different color purses, this was just the straw that broke the camels back"... i ended with "that's rough, well, cya"... he said "goodbye" and we went our opposite ways.

December 24th 2005... Midnight Oil

It was Christmas Eve and the unfamiliar car I was driving while my truck was in the shop had just ran out of gas in a strangers drive-way. I had just dropped off an envelope for my mom and the strangers were not home. The cell phone I had on me was not getting any reception so my only choice was to walk a mile and a half down the road to the gas station. I went inside to ask the guy if he had a gas can, and he said no but there was a payphone outside. I didn't have any change so I went over to the cooler grabbed a moxie. The cashier, an older man with a full salt 'n' pepper beard, said in the thickest of Maine accents "that'll be a $1.25 for the midnight oil". At first I was a bit confused, partly because I had never heard anyone call moxie midnight oil before, and partly because "midnight oil" were the only two words I heard very clearly. So I handed him 2 dollars and hoped I wasn't paying for something I didn't want. Then, as he started to go on about how he tried the "midnight oil" once and went "blaahk!"(add a wierd animated scrunched up face and probably 30 forehead wrinkles) as it went down, I realized he was referring to the moxie. Next he said it was unbelievable how popular the stuff was and that he sold bunches of it every day, but that he couldn't stand even the smell of it. I responded with "well most don't" and he went on... "I wouldn't mind having a case of it in the back of my pickup though, just in case I'm ever running low on gas or oil. That stuff is so damn black and thick I bet you could get at least 5 miles a can." He laughed, I laughed, and then I left and turned toward the pay-phone with my change and came to realize the change slot had been filled with cement, no joke, cement. So I had to go back inside the store and ask the guy to use the phone. When I did he turned around to grab the phone from the back counter, and as he turned back around he stared at me in complete seriousness and said that he wasn't joking about the moxie, and that I should go back and throw that in my gas tank. I thought about it for a second and decided the man was probably an old fool or he was just trying to push his overstock of moxie, either way I wasn't quite ready to throw anything but gas into the gas tank, the situation wasn't quite that desperate, but i did think about it. I had remembered hearing from somebody that an engine can run on sugar water but it's not recomended. Anyway the call went through and two hours and probably a hundred crazy stories from the old man working the night shift at the gas station on christmas eve and my ride showed up with a gas can.