And the message came back from the great beyond...
- English League Soccer (SNETW, SNETO, SNETP, SNETE. Man United vs. Middleboro.)
- Yes, Minister (YTV-W. Need I say more?)
- Disasters of the Century (HIST. History Television has three basic modes of programming: Hitler, Vietnam, and massive disasters. If you learned all your history from them, it would look like this: Big Bang, [nothing happens], Halifax Explosion, Luftwaffe footage, Normandy, [nothing happens], My Lai, Saigon Airlift, [nothing happens], Bhopal, "Tour of Duty" reruns, [nothing happens], 9/11.)
- The Deadliest Sharks (DISC. As opposed to the least deadly sharks, which wear dainty bibs and refuse to even look at a swimmer until they've had a chance to check the wine list.)
- Spider-Man (TOONW. Action is his reward! Paired with the incredibly forgettable Incredible Hulk, that ever-lovin' Hulk, Hulk Hulk.)
- Colossus: The Forbin Project (SPACE. Never seen it, but I loved Qmodem.)
- Thirty-Two Short Films About Glenn Gould (DOCUM. I feel obligated to like this movie.)
Consider Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap. This means that, right now, 90% of the 120 channels (not including pay-per-view and digital music) on my cable system are crap. It's 3:30 in the morning. Can I find twelve programs that I'd actually watch?
As you can see, the answer is "no".
(For the record, fifteen channels had infomercials.)