Lois - "I can almost guarantee you a man made that commercial."Peter - "Of course a man made it. It's a commercial, Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner."
French Teacher - "So in French, when you want to say 'yes,' you say 'oui, oui.'"Peter - "You gotta be kidding me! Oh my God! That is hysterical. Oh man! And what do you say for 'no'? 'Doo doo'? I'll be right back, I gotta go take a wicked 'yes.'"
Meg - "So, the $26 would probably be safe in my room."Stewie - "Right. It'd probably get lost amongst the pin-ups of Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise and...blast! Who the devil do teenagers like these days? Morgan Freeman."
Peter - "You should have heard them all laughing at me, Lois. They looked at me and all they saw was a loser. Except for that one guy with a lazy eye, he saw a loser and a snack machine."
Speaking Car - "Turn right at fork in road. In Soviet Russia - road forks you!"
Peter - "Hey, is your refridgerator running? Because if it is, I bet it's running a lot like you - very homosexually."
Peter - "Well, according to the Geneva Convention, paragraph 7, sentence 8, word 3: the.'"
Peter - "Hold on guys, I think I read a book on this once."Brian - "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't just nothing?"Peter - "Oh, yeah."
Peter - "Hey Brian, if cops are pigs, does that make you a Snausage?"Brian - "Good one, Peter. Did you stay up all night thinking of that one?"Peter - "I got to bed around 2, 2:30."
Peter - "Wait guys, I just got an idea. An idea so great that my head would explode if I even began to know what I was thinking about."
Psychiatrist - "I've been watching you and I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot."Peter - "Well I don't pay you to think, hot lips, in fact, I don't pay you at all. Count it."
Peter - "Lois, I tried finding my creative talent just like you said. First I tried art..." (flashback) "Am, am I supposed to paint the penis?" (present) "Then I tried sculpting..." (flashback) "Am, am I supposed to sculpt the penis?" (present) "Then I tried music..." (flashback) "Am, am I supposed to conduct with my penis?"
Maids and Butlers - (in song) "We're only here to kiss your ass..."
Brian - "Oh my god. They ate Tricia Takanawa."Peter - "Why? They're just gonna get hungry again in an hour."
Peter - "HOLY CRAP! I'm communticating with nature! Uh, tree, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear you, do you make a noise?"Tree - "Oh yeah, Scott fell over last week and hasn't shut up about it since."Scott the Tree - "Oh yeah, go ahead and bitch, but you don't see anyone trying to HELP ME!"
Lois - "You're drunk again."Peter - "No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking."
One of my all-time favorites has gotta be:
Peter - Lois, I tried finding my creative talent just like you said. First I tried art... (flashback) Am, am I supposed to paint the penis? (present) Then I tried sculpting... (flashback) Am, am I supposed to sculpt the penis? (present) Then I tried music... (flashback) Am, am I supposed to conduct with my penis?
Oh man, I forgot about that one, it's going on the list.
what episode is that quote from?
It's on "The King is Dead" where Peter takes over Lois' directing job on The King and I.
My personal favorite
Lois - "Peter are you drunk?"
Peter - "No Lois, I'm just really tired from staying up all night drinking"
There are way too many to remember. I love that one too and then the following quote to that --
Lois - "It's almost eleven in the morning."
Brian - "Thanks for the update Big Ben."