The worst movies I've seen so far in my short life of 27+ years.

Tags: 
  • Batman Forever (I hate this movie.)
  • Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
  • She-Devils on Wheels (Really boring; the motorcycle version of Manos. Eternal scenes of ugly women on motorcycles.)
  • Streetfighter (Van Damme at his worst, which isn't much different from his best.)
  • Manos: The Hands of Fate
  • The Green Slime
  • Godzilla's Revenge (Boring collection of outtakes from other "classic" Godzilla films.)
  • Godzilla '85
  • Godzilla (The 1998 American one. It sucks.)
  • Spaceship (Might have been funny, but FAILED!)
  • Amityville Horror: Part 4 (Please.)
  • Debbie Does Dallas (The acting is bad and the girls are... okay.)
  • The Gauntlet (Stupid scene at the end with the cops shooting up the bus goes on for ten minutes, which is ten minutes too long.)
  • The Facts of Life Goes to Paris (The only group of people upon I'd wish a plane crash.)
  • Herbie Goes Bananas
  • The Bat People (Jesus!)
  • Track of the Moon Beast (California Laaady...)
  • Warriors of the Wasteland (Really bad Italian version of Mad Max.)
  • Rocky IV (Russians are bad. Las Vegas is good?)
  • Soul Man
  • Black Dog (Big trucks!)
  • Fritz the Cat
  • Johnny Dangerously (So awful only Comedy Central will broadcast it.)
  • Invasion U.S.A. (Chuck Norris saves us from the Soviets. Oh thank you Mr. Norris!)
  • Only the Strong (Freakin' stupid.)
  • The Substitute
  • Conan The Barbarian
  • Yellowbeard (Shame.)
  • Laserblast ("Zapped" with aliens.)
  • Grease 2
  • Titanic (James Cameron's)
  • The Castle of Fu Manchu
  • Cobra
  • Mortal Combat (Horrible film about a naughty sorority and their efforts to save their house from the evil dean.)
  • The Song Remains the Same (A poorly performed and recorded concert by Led Zeppelin.)
  • Perfect Storm (A load of crap.)
  • Turkish Delight
  • Superman III (Damn bad movie.)
  • Less Than Zero (The '80's sucked.)
  • Another 48 Hours
  • Beverly Hills Cop III (Pointless sequel.)
  • Godfather III (Coppola should be slapped for this.)
  • Naked Gun 33 1/3
  • Zapped (Scott Baio should be stopped.)
  • Invasion of the Bee Girls
  • Straw Dogs (Dustin Hoffman plays a computer programmer who moves to England and kills everyone in town.)
  • Dick Tracy (Irritating and boring.)
  • They Saved Hitler's Brain
  • The Car (Failed to live up to expectations.)
  • Skyjacked (Charlton Heston is a dope in a wig.)
  • Soylent Green (Charlton Heston is a dope in a wig who eats people and feels bad about it.)
  • Earthquake (Charlton Heston is a dope in a wig who falls down and can't get up--First Alert to the rescue!)
  • Ants!
  • The Last Dionsaur (Bad movie about a bad puppet pretending to be a dinosaur.)
  • Akira
  • Yog: Monster from Outerspace
  • Godzilla Vs. The Smog Monster (Save the Earth!)
  • The Being (Why won't anyone give me money to make a film?)
  • Firefox (Bad.)
  • Gargoyles
  • Knight Rider 2000 (Makes you want to move to Germany to see what the hell the fuss is over.)
  • Return to Walton Mountain
  • Blues Brothers 2000 (How could anyone make a sequel to the original?)
  • Coneheads
  • The Omega Man (Charlton Heston as Billy Budd, sort of.)
  • Weird Science (John Hughes--enough said.)
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Home Alone 2 (Why? And there's no way you're going to get me to see Home Alone 3)
  • Leathal Weapon 3 (Nyuk! Nyuk!)
  • Leathal Weapon 4
  • Leonard Part 6
  • Future War
  • The Good Son (That damn kid again.)
  • Dogma
  • The Brady Brides
  • 200 Motels
  • Point Break
  • Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
  • Black Sheep
  • Days of Thunder (Tom Cruise is a guy who drives cars very fast while very angry.)
  • Attack of the Flesh Eaters (One of the victims looks like Jerry Lewis, so the movie does have some redeeming qualities.)
  • Krull (The life of a deadly frisbee.)
  • Congo (Big gorillas attack campers.)
  • The Beast with a Million Eyes (A thing from outer space is taking up residence in someone's shed. Stay away from the damn shed. Idiots.)
  • Devil Dog: Hound from Hell
  • Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster
  • Carlito's Way (Sean Penn in a wig.)
  • Beverly Hills Ninja
  • Le Mans
  • Ticks (Won at Cannes.)
  • Toys (Robin Williams is really an evil man sometimes.)
  • Eraser
  • First Blood (John Rambo is an idiot who can drive a tank, but has difficulty parking cars.)
  • Rambo: First Blood Part II
  • Rambo III (John Rambo kills lots of people.)
  • The Specialist (Eric Roberts makes a triumphant return to his horrible career, thanks to Sylvester Stallone.)
  • Assassins (I have scabs that are more entertaining.)
  • Rocky V
  • King Kong Escapes
  • Child's Play III (I will never forgive the girl who made me rent this.)
  • The Beast of Yucca Flats
  • The Haunting
  • The Mummy
  • 101 Dalmations (The new one with Glenn Close. It sucks.)
  • The Big Chill (Jeff Goldblum sucks.)
  • The Fly (Ditto.)
  • Transformers: The Movie (It's horrible, but you get to see cartoon robots swear.)
  • Mommie Dearest
  • Twins (Duh! One guy is big, the other is small! It's funny!)
  • Just for the Hell of It
  • McQ (A lot of right-wing crappola. John Wayne's toupee should get second billing--not for looking like actual hair, but for staying on his head during the action sequences.)
  • Stop or My Mom Will Shoot (Stallone must be stopped, but you do get to see Bea Arthur eat a live mouse.)
  • Spiderman (The one from the 1970's. That dork who played Marcia Brady's "big man on campus" is now playing Spiderman. Imagine watching a pile of blackheads: that sums it up.)
  • Blown Away (There's this fight scene that goes on for... about 45 minutes between Tommy "not that Tommy Lee" Lee Jones and Jeff Bridges (or is it Beau?)
  • Airheads
Author Comments: 

Please leave comments or suggest...ions. I'll update this as the days of my life go on. Abuse is welcomed.

I must admit, I feel a sort of bond here, as a fellow 27 year old who also sat through the infamous Manos: The Hands of Fate.

I mean, criminy, you can only watch somebody drive a car for so long...

Shalom, y'all!

L. Bangs

If it weren't for Manos, though, what movie could MST3K have destroyed so completely and so damn funnily? "No, no, Torgo, that's not the way you wear your Depends..."

Mitchell!

Sorry - ya asked...

I think there's a potato cake in here somewhere...

Shalom, y'all!

L. Bangs

heehee; how 'bout
"Mitchel, how do you take your vokda?"

"By the quart."

Agree with you on quite a few of these but I think the Breakfast Club is a good movie. Not great, but quite watchable nonetheless. On another point, Days of Thunder rules!!! Not because its good, but because I've seen it so many times its become a part of me(you gotta love it when Cruise takes his former teammate out when the guy is doing his victory lap)!

Valuable list. Thanks for taking the trouble to put it up. And for heroically sitting through these movies.

THE OMEGA MAN is one of my favorite guilty pleasures, and worth seeing, as are a few, just a few, of the others, but that's cool, you'll get no abuse from me.

I Liked 'Carlitos Way'

I totally agree with you on Soylent Green. I will never be able to get the sound of Heston's voice yelling, "Soylent Green is people" out of my head.......