Trailerology, 2004

  • March
  • Coffee and Cigarettes: Good cast, but even more interesting is the way they appear to be grouped in the vignettes (Steven Wright and Roberto Begnini!). I have high hopes.
  • Bubba Ho-Tep: A movie that should have opened on 2000 screens if ever there was one (he says, sight unseen).
  • Dogville: After reading this shellacking, I had to watch the trailer. It's amazing how much (I assume) they left out of the trailer, presumably to trick those people that normally don't seek out Theater of Cruelty films.
  • The Ladykillers: "We must have waffles. We must all have waffles forthwith." The first Coen Bros. movie I've been excited about since Fargo (although it turns out I loved O Brother Where Art Thou?, even if I didn't get all geared up for it (okay, I just read the reviews, which successfully dampened my enthusiasm. Still some compare it to The Hudsucker Proxy as if that were a bad thing, so I'll cling to s shred of hope)).
  • The Last Shot: Good cast, although it looks like a rental at best, even if it is nice to see Alec Baldwin getting more work.
  • Garfield: <cringe> Bill Murray as the voice of the eponymous cat is the only thing that might save this, although I fear it's just evidence that Lost in Translation was the only shot at an Oscar he's going to get.
  • Around the World in 80 Days: I laughed, but I fear the best bits are in the trailer (which incidentally makes it look like Jackie Chan is a secondary character).
  • Casshern: Wow, even without subtitles I want to see it. Very impressive sci-fi imagery.
  • The Shape of Things: Whose "Theater of Cruelty" do you prefer? LaBute's, or Von Trier's? I've only seen one of each, but I greatly preferred the former, so I'm really looking forward to this one.
  • The Notebook: I should probably watch this if for no other reason than to stop thinking of Ryan Gosling as the conflicted Jewish skinhead he plays (excellently) in The Believer. Love that ferris wheel scene.
  • Starsky & Hutch: My wife wanted to see this until she saw the preview. "They shot a pony. That's the funniest thing they could come up with?" Snoop Dogg looks like the only good thing in the movie (okay, pigs can start flying now).
  • Laws of Attraction: Could be fun. I tend to like Julianne Moore quite a bit better in comedy.
  • Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself: Doesn't look too bad, but I guarantee the only funny bits are in the trailer, and this is yet another lame attempt to pass off a British droll drama as a comedy.
  • Shaolin Soccer: Boy, this looks like a hoot. Crazy wire-work and Matrixish impossibilities taken to their inevitable extreme. Too bad Miramax is the distributor, and will chop it all to hell.
  • Ella Enchanted: Watched because my 2-year-old is named Ella. Could be fun for family movie-night.
  • The Alamo: Forgotten. Sorry, couldn't resist. Good cast, but the trailer suggests a Christmas release, while the website indicates April. Gee, I wonder why they pushed it from holiday/Oscar season to the spring doldrums? Probably tested it with audiences who didn't like the ending.
  • Spider-man 2: Looks at least as good as the first one (which is not saying much according to one cranky Listologist I know :-). Love that interrupted kiss scene.
  • Van Helsing: Between this trailer and The Mummy movies, Steven Sommers is a director that clearly doesn't care if his CGI looks like CGI. Phew, does this look bad! What Kate Beckinsale is doing in werewolf/vampire movies in back to back years, I have no idea. Why Huge Jackman agreed to that wig leaves me similarly baffled.
  • The Polar Express: Love the source, ambivalent about this incarnation. Zemeckis at the helm only serves to reinforce my ambivalence.
  • Hellboy: Like stooky, I could see taking in a Hellboy/Punisher double-feature. Clearly I can not be trusted to spend $20 wisely.
  • 13 Going On 30: Big, but with Jennifer Garner instead of Tom Hanks. Y'know, she just might be talented enough to pull it off.
  • Good bye, Lenin: They have comedy in Germany? A guy's mother falls into a coma right before the Berlin Wall comes down. She wakes up, but he's told she wouldn't survive another heart attack. Guy goes to great lengths to hide the fact that her world has changed. Gonna have to check this one out.
  • Shrek 2: Every fiber of my being tells me this will reek of mediocrity, and yet both trailers I've seen look great.
  • Alien vs Predator: I'm sure it will suck, but I'll see in anyway.
  • The Day After Tomorrow: They had me until the very end, "brought to you by the creators of Independance Day." Kiss of death. I'll still see it though, and Jake Glyenhall (sp?) looks like he's in full-on "why me" Darko mode.
  • The United States of Leland: I've already forgotten what this is about.
  • The Whole 10 Yards: I was one of the five people that liked the first one, but man this looks bad even to me. I can't imagine how it looks to the other 249,999,995 people in the country.
  • The Punisher: I want to see it. I'm a moron.
  • I, Robot: Asimov, minus the brains. Looks like fun, and the robot effects look surprisingly interesting.
  • Jersey Girl: Looks warm and inviting. I couldn't be more shocked.
  • Kill Bill: Vol. II: Lousy trailer for what is sure to be a great movie.
  • Zatoichi: Can't wait.
  • Sky Captain and The World Of Tomorrow: I find the story behind this movie much more compelling than the trailer. I hope it's good.
  • The Chronicles Of Riddick: Judi Densch?! Never give a serious British actor an Oscar, I say. Not if you want them to stay that way, anyway. Well, I guess they stay British.
  • Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Will almost certainly be the best of the three so far.
  • Troy: Achilles is supposed to be pretty, but not THAT pretty. Still, "is there no one else" is a line delivered in true Fight Clubbish fashion, so I won't give up all hope.
Author Comments: 

I finally got a cable modem, so I'm in movie trailer heaven.

arf, damn my dial-up all to heck.

Alien Vs. Predator is finally coming to the theatres. My inner geek is doing cart-wheels (yay).

Can't wait for Zatoichi either, I've seen all of those great, goofy 60's movies bearing the same plot, Shintaro Katsu's unrelenting blinky close-ups and same actors reprising roles. Good times. And its directed by Beat Takashi (he's a true renaissance man).

Do you actually see Jen Lopez in the trailor for Jersey Girl?

Where's this line from: "I apologize for the intelligence of my remarks, Sir Thomas. I Forgot that you are a member of parliament."

You do see Lopez, briefly, she doesn't speak, and it's clear she's only around for the setup of the film.

No idea on the quote, although it's a good one.

tis from the picture of dorian gray. Stew=1/Jim=0. j/k. :?)

Could it possibly be that Jen's part is bigger and they're just trying to avoid a gigantic Gigli pimple popping all over Jersey Girl? Where is K. Smith when you need him?

She's only in the first 10 minutes or so from what I understand.

It was strongly recommended to me that I install a firewall with my new broadband hookup, which I did yesterday and am having teething troubles with. But I've found that the best way to watch movie trailers is using RealTheatre; instead of a tiny cellphone-screen-sized image the image takes up about a third of the monitor screen.

Yeah, I the firewalls definitely a good idea. I have mine behind a router which is also supposed to help keep the blackhats out.

I just googled "RealTheatre" (and "RealTheater") and didn't come back with anything trailerish. Where is it? Is it brought to you by Real, the same people that do RealAudio?

Jim, download the latest version of RealPlayer (v10), click on 'view' and Theater Mode is on the menu. (Sorry about the spelling mistake.)

Ah, gotcha. Sadly I'm boycotting Real products. Their damn tools are just bloated with ads, and they have a rotten history of including spyware with their stuff. And it used to be impossible to turn their stuff OFF. I think I'll stick with the Apple Trailer site for now. Thanks for the recommendation though. If I exhaust what Apple has to offer, maybe I'll bite the bullet.

Mmmmm saw the trailer to Spiderman 2 on t.v. just this weekend. Looks like a splendid movie!!

I forgot to write that one up; look for it tomorrow when I take a few more in.

That would be a great post...British actors who went ballistic after the oscar. But I never thought it would happen to Judi.

Great list, the updates are snicker-inducing.

Thanks! One of the things I missed the most when we killed the TV was the trailers, so I'm really loving the fast Internet connection. And it's so much easier to review a trailer than a movie, so it's not much of a time sink to just snap a few of these out every morning. My version of critical cotton candy...

Just got my r2 DVD of Kitano's Zatoichi yesterday. And day-amn, those trailers are pretty cool. It's kinda funny to see TK playing him with the blonde hair, but I'm banking on the movie rocking in a big way.

Oh man, you have to tell me what you think of it when you see it! I've never seen any Kitano, and only saw my first movie by another Takeshi (Miike) yesterday (Audition).

Will do! I just now watched the trailer you linked to above, and of course it's completely different that what's on the Japanese DVDs. The fight scene in the rain that the Miramax trailer shows briefly is given more time, for example (and you can see CGI blood flying everywhere).

Btw, there's a pretty good story about how Kitano got involved in the Zatoichi film in the first place. Good reading, especially if you like stories about strip clubs and wayward debts. :-)

And thanks for the Audition review, I've been wanting to check that out for quite a while now.

Thanks for the article, very interesting stuff. Weird thing: at the end of Audition, reading Takeshi Miike's bio and filmography, I noticed it said he might do a version of Zatoichi. I thought to myself "isn't that the wrong Takeshi"? Sure enough, but I wonder how he plays into the story, if at all? He wasn't mentioned in the article.

As long as I'm making requests, I hope you'll also tell me what you think of Audition when you see it.

If you don't mind me butting in, in a tiny way. Here's my Kitano critic-off!

Violent Cop- Nay (the overt one)
Boiling Point- Yay (the weird one)
Sonatine- Big Yay (the best one)
Fireworks- Yay (the stoic one)
Kikujiro- Haven't seen (the transporting kid one)
Brother- yay/nay (the americanized one)

They're all pretty violent too.

Don't mind a bit! I seem to recall Fireworks having a bit of a following around here.

I'll also throw in recommendations for his Scene At The Sea and Kids Return, two of his directorial efforts (he wasn't in them). And I'll give a "big yay" to Kikujiro, if I may.

Btw, I watched the first few minutes of Zatoichi last night (all I had time for). So far, so good.

I noticed in passing that The Alamo has almost the same trailor that Zulu had on its original release. Coincidence or evidence of a massacre movie, hollywood mogul conspiracy? !:?)

Van Helsing looks like a hoot, but as my pop used to say, don't count your chickens before they hatch. :\

If you know the story of Around the World in 80 Days, then you know that if the film stays true to the story, Jackie Chan's character is secondary.

Yes, it's just that I don't think I've ever seen a "Jackie Chan movie" where he plays second fiddle. It's true he often shares first fiddle with a co-star, particularly in his Hollywood films, but he hasn't (until this movie?) relinquished it entirely. Between this and the rumors of him possibly being cast as Cato in the Pink Panther remake, you have to wonder if he's trying to find a new niche here (especially since movies like The Tuxedo really aren't cutting it).

I saw a series of trailers last evening.

Hellboy. (The good news: Maxim Blender said it's pretty good, yay. The bad news: Maxim Blender also said Mr. Deeds was pretty good, huh.) I like this fun little trailer.

The Chronicles Of Riddick (Judi D. kicks alien butt while Vin D. wanders about morosely) :?)

Van Helsing: two trailers! in a row! sell, baby sell! (pucker your eyelids while you watch this one) Which one did you see?
Strangely enough, the cgi looks like the same people working on the impending video game worked on the movie. :?)

I'm not sure which Van Helsing trailer I saw (well, it was the one I linked to :-). I believe it's the theatrical trailer, since it's a couple minutes long.

Well the first one had no voiceover from that deep-voiced movie voice guy. Showed lady and VH leaning over a well and then a vampire lady flying out and grabbin the lady. (it was kinda good) The second one had a voiceover and a scene of dracula changing into a angry blue smurf-guy. (to quote the Wolfman: WOOF!)

Tried to get a trailer over dial-up and had to wait about 25 minutes before I gave up.

Ladykillers looks more incoherent than 4 grannies at a rave.

I'm excited about Van Helsing! I actually enjoyed Underworld. Underworld 2 is in pre-production according to IMDB. I wouldn't mind having the Van Helsing video game, either.

I'm looking forward (guardedly) to Underworld, but the Van Helsing trailer left me trepidatious. Still, I'll probably end us seeing it anyway.

This is just too funky to be believed. I am so there. YAY

Yow! Looks good! And tops at the box office too. I certainly won't object to Guillermo del Toro and Ron Perlman racking up big numbers.