Top 53 Things You Don't Want to Hear on The Operating Table

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  1. I was really bored. So I made a stupid, stupid list! Top 53 things you don’t want to hear on the operating table (in no particular order):
  2. Look Ma, no hands!
  3. OK – all sewn up...HEY! Where did my cup of coffee go?
  4. Check it out! Isn’t this 100 times cooler than using juggling balls?
  5. Wait...I just finished, and...you’re telling me this WASN’T a vasectomy???
  6. (sings) The left vein’s connected to the...right aorta...the left brain’s connected to the..stomach bone...
  7. Don’t worry, I’ll remember how to do it...OK...think back to that episode of ER...
  8. Thank god for malpractice insurance!
  9. I know you forgot about Valentine's Day, but what is that guy gonna do without his heart?
  10. Doesn’t this remind you of the time we played that game of Operation?
  11. Doesn’t this remind you of the time we played that game of Twister?
  12. Hey! Give that back! There’s no law against drinking in the operating room...
  13. IT’S ALIVE!!!!!!!!
  14. Doctor Hannibal Lecter, please come to the operating room, Doctor Hannibal Lecter...
  15. Well, on the bright side, I just saved money on my car insurance...
  16. Ah well, you win some, you lose some...
  17. Organ fight!
  18. What’s that big beating thing in his chest?
  19. What were you THINKING!?!?!?!?!? Oh well, at least he won't die a virgin...
  20. “So Bob, did you hear the news this morning?” “Yeah, something about the sale prices on fresh organs going up...”
  21. Down...set...hut!
  22. Oh, don't look so down...after all...in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and...SNAP! The job's a game...
  23. SHIT!!! OK...nobody panic, we can fix this easily, we'll just need a slight change of plans. OK...I'll call Vinnie; John, you hide the body in the waste bin...
  24. This’ll be a snap! Ah plastic surgery...just like the good old days...playing with Mr. Potato Head...
  25. OOOH – wouldn’t this be a great setting for a porno movie?
  26. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?
  27. Heehee – that was a good one. Here try this...just give his brain a poke...riiight...there...
  28. Hot potato, hot potato...
  29. And now presenting: "Trading Spaces: Hospital edition!"
  30. You can't mop the floor with that thing!!!!!
  31. This is just like learning how to ride a bicycle...WHOA!!! I guess I still need training wheels..
  32. Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing. HAHAHA...I really get a kick outta saying that...
  33. I’ve seen his bank balance, and my recommended treatment is euthanasia.
  34. This is gonna be easy! After all, I did graduate top of my class in veterinary college...
  35. Look on the bright side, at least his wife won’t have to worry about getting pregnant...
  36. Doesn’t this remind you of that scene from Family Guy?
  37. Alright, this is our first operation, we should set up some kinda system. Hmmm...I'm thinking we have a sort of good cop, bad cop thing going on...
  38. OK everybody, it's time for... "Triple Bypass Surgery: The Musical!!!"
  39. My diagnosis is: SEXY!!!
  40. What do you think, 4.99 a pound?
  41. Oh yeah? Well, I think unconscious DOES mean consent...
  42. Heehee - I could act out Hamlet with this thing...
  43. I know you forgot the nacho dip, but don't you think that's going just a LITTLE too far?
  44. OOOH...this is a GREAT opportunity to re-enact that scene from "Silence of the Lambs"...
  45. Alright...today's surgery will be performed by an American doctor...
  46. Smile! You're on candid camera!
  47. You know, maybe this isn't the best time to celebrate April Fools Day...
  48. Don't worry, ain't nothin' a little duct tape won't cure...
  49. It's easy, just use the force, Luke... ... ... ... OH MY GOD!!!
  50. I don't CARE if you've never been to med school...
  51. Should we call Ripley's?
  52. OK, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is we named a new disease after him...
  53. Hey Beavis...heh heh...check it out...BOING OING OING!!!!
  54. Ok, before we begin this operation, let's start with an icebreaker. How about this list of 53 things you don't want to hear on the operating table?

The Fire Alarm

How about: "Okay, we're gonna start with a little icebreaker before the operation - I'm gonna read you this list of 5,000,000 things you don't want to hear on the operating table..."

heehee - that's good
+ adds

that made me crack up... my favorites were 5 and 52!!! how bout this one: "alrighty, is this our next victim?"