Random Thoughts

  • Whenever you see a new home being built, have you ever noticed that you always see it covered in "home wrap"? I think it's to protect it from bad weither or something. But here's what I've noticed: the home wrap is always called Tyvek home wrap. I've never seen another kind of home wrap. I figure Tyvek probably has a monopoly on the home wrap industry and can get away with high prices and shoddy merchandise. When I grow up, I'm going to build a better home wrap and charge less than Tyvek and put them out of business. Then I will control the home wrap market! Muahahahaha!
  • When I have a steady job, I hope there's a deli or cafe close by where I work that I'll go to every day for lunch. I'll walk in and the woman behind the counter will say to me, "Hey there! Want your usual today?" I'll say, "Nah, I think I'll try something different today, Brenda." And Brenda will say, "Well, the tuna salad is very good today." I'll say, "Okay, I'll have that. Thanks!" She'll say, "No problem, honey." And I'll make casual conversation with the other patrons there, which I can do because I'm a regular.
  • You know how you always hear about the new diet drug, and you always hear about the company behind it getting sued for the grotesque side effects that the drug causes? This is a brilliant scheme: I'm going to manufacture a diet pill that does absolutely nothing. It won't cause you to lose weight, but it won't cause hideous side effects either. Plus, it would be very cheap to make, so I could charge much less than the other fad diet pills. And here's the best part: Yes, it would be corrupt to take their money and run... but it wouldn't be as corrupt as if I were both taking their money AND causing them to experience ugly side effects. So I would be less corrupt than all the other diet pill manufacturers. Sure, maybe scientists would investigate and discover that my pill does nothing, but by that time, I will have taken the money and fled to a foreign country.
  • When I'm a famous screenwriter / director, I'm going to make one very low-budget movie that's a kiddie movie through and through, the most sappy, childish movie you'll ever see, but at one point, I'll have a guy saying, "I'm gonna go f*ck my wife." Since I'm using the f-word as a verb, the MPAA will be forced to rate the movie as an R. It'll be a huge flop, of course, but critics will praise it as a wicked satire of the rating system.
  • The other day, some girls were talking about their favorite classes. One girl said she was a history / English person, the other girl was a math / science person. I think it's a matter of left-brain vs. right-brain, though I always forget which one is logic and which one is creativity. But I digress. My point is that I am definitely a math / English person. What does that make me? Maybe I have decent control over both sides of my brain. Also, I wonder what foreign languages would be. I guess doing a foreign language uses both logic and creativity as well.
  • On my Buddy List for AOL 8.0, it displays a miniature version of the screen names' buddy icons right next to the screen name. I want a Buddy Icon that looks just like the little yellow note that appears when you have your away message on. That way, no one will be able to really tell if I am away or not, and I could jump out and startle people. It would be really creepy.
  • Why is it that, whenever there's a joke about someone dying, the joke that automatically follows is "dibs on his stereo"? I mean, come on. Are you so uncreative that the only possession you can think of is the guy's stereo? Tell ya what - you can have his stereo. I'll take his big screen TV, his computer, his watch, his ping-pong table, and his cash. And ya know what, I think I'll give his girlfriend a call too.
  • This weekend I went to Alexandria, Virginia to see my brother in a wrestling tournament. I think wrestling tournaments are some of the most boring activities on earth. My brother was in one this weekend. He weighed in, then we ate a big breakfast and came back. We got there at 9:30. They started wrestling at 10:30. He wrestled at 1:30. Four hours of waiting for him to wrestle. His match lasted about 10 minutes or so. Thankfully, my mom and I went out to lunch then instead of continuously waiting for him to have his next match - we got back at 3:30, and his next match was at 4:45. I can't imagine how bored my dad and brother felt just waiting there all the time. I don't think I would've survived if I didn't have my CD player and 7 CD's with me. And also think about the timekeepers and other people there. I mean, those people had to stay there the whole time and they didn't even know anyone who was wrestling. But they might find ways to keep themselves entertained. For example, one person's job is to throw a rolled-up towel (fastened as a cylinder with duct tape) at the ref when the match is over, so he knows it's over. If I had that job, I'd make it a game of seeing how many times I could bean the referee in the head. He'd probably get pretty pissed, but I'd insist that it was just an accident, as I mentally keep score: "107."
  • One more thing about the wrestling tournament. The school where the tournament was had signs on most of their bathrooms saying "STOP! Authorized Personnel Only." I guess it takes a specially trained authority figure to use those bathrooms.
  • I wonder what a "semolina pilchard" is.
  • I think that AOL users should force the AOL executives to only charge us for sessions that we don't get booted off of, or sessions that are terminated by some other fault of AOL. It could have one of two effects: AOL actually works to prevent random bootings and errors, or I pay three cents a month for AOL. Either way, I win.
  • Oops! I just read Jim's Listology etiquette page: "While we are as hands-off as possible regarding list content, we reserve the right to remove inappropriate posts and their authors from the site. 'Inappropriate posts' include: fast money-making schemes..." Well, Jim, I hope you don't remove my account from Listology for talking about my fast money-making schemes of (1) taking over the home wrap industry and (2) manufacturing an ineffective yet innocuous diet pill.
  • Here's something to ponder. Some may find it offensive, so I've surrounded it in spoiler tags.
    Spoiler: Highlight to view
    If a 17-year-old woman forces a 19-year-old man to have sex with her, who is guilty of rape?
  • I think it's pretty amusing that I, who has never sold anything on half.com, have feedback from people I've bought things from. Hell, I didn't do anything. Yet, four sellers gave me positive feedback, so hey, I'm at 100%! I must be a great buyer!
  • All this talk of the greatest bassists got me thinking: why is the bass the only instrument you can turn up on a CD? What if I want to hear the vocals much louder than everything else? Or better yet, what if I'm listening to classical music and I want to hear the oboe louder than everything else? I think "oboe" should be a standard button on CD players. Actually, I just like saying "oboe." Oboe oboe oboe.
  • I used to have a digital watch that did everything. It stored phone numbers, it had a calculator, it told me the time in other countries, it was even able to record my voice. But at some point, I lost it. (sigh) I loved that watch. But I digress. The reason I brought it up was that this watch was very practical and useful, but it would never be considered a formal watch by any means. The more formal ones are the ones with hands, which are less practical. Hey, I can tell time, but it takes me longer than just looking at the numbers on a digital readout. Then, if you want an even more formal watch, replace the numbers with a bunch of dashes. To get more and more formal, eliminate the dashes one by one, until you have the fanciest possible watch, which only has hands, no markings of where the hands point to. It's absurd, yes, but why stop there? I say, get rid of the hands, so you just have a blank face, so it's completely impractical. In fact, replace the band with sandpaper too, and make it weigh about 20 pounds. That must be the kind of watch a king wears at the royal banquets.
  • I think I'll run for governor of California.
  • MEMO TO VERIZON: Brilliant idea for a commercial. It came to me while listening to This Year's Model today. You have Elvis Costello trying to call someone on a cell phone, but he's not getting a signal. Then his phone starts singing a send-up of the song "Lip Service": "No Service, is all you'll ever get from me..." Then you see him with a better connection through Verizon. This could work very well if done right.
  • You know what's weird? The DVD sets of "The Simpsons" and "Futurama" are being released on totally different wavelengths, even though it's pretty much the same people behind each one. "The Simpsons" DVDs are being released by season, going by the actual season the episode aired in. "Futurama", however, is going by when the episode was made. For example, they made 13 episodes of "Futurama" for its first season, but only nine actually aired in season 1 (the other four aired in season 2). The Futurama Season 1 DVD set, however, includes all 13 episodes. The season 2 DVD set doesn't include those four, but it does include three episodes which actually aired in season 3. What's up with that? I mean, that's really going to confuse everyone who notices it. Both of us.
  • My comments on "Camp"'s love polygon got me thinking. When a guy is involved with two girls at once in the plot of a movie or book, it's called a "love triangle." But that's not accurate. A triangle would imply that there's a side connecting the two girls - that both girls are bisexual and both want (1) the guy and (2) each other. It should be called a "love V."
  • I'm not sure how many of you heard about this breaking news: LifeSavers is getting three new flavors - raspberry, watermelon, and blackberry - to replace the standard orange, lemon, and lime. I am very pleased with this decision, because I always hated orange lifesavers, and the lime ones weren't very good either. I do, however, love all of the new flavors. I'm still lukewarm about pineapple though. I think they should bring back lemon to replace pineapple. But hey, what's done is done, and I am satisfied with the coup d'etat.
  • Why didn't Cassandra just lie? I mean, for God's sake, didn't she learn from her mistakes? All she had to do was say, "We should destroy the - uh, I mean, the Trojan Horse is perfectly all right. Let's not destroy it. In fact, let's take it into the city."
  • When I was at the movie theaters today, I went to the bathroom and, for the first time, really considered the absurdity of that bathroom vending machine that many theaters have. You know what I'm talking about, right? I mean, I can understand some of the things they've got in there. Tic Tacs and condoms are okay, in case you're on a date and want to be prepared for kissing / having sex with your date later that night. But the other stuff they have in those things really astounds me. The one today had some WWF temporary tattoos. Tell me, does anyone actually wander into a movie theater bathroom and think, "Ya know, what I need right now are some temporary tattoos of the Worldwide Wrestling Federation"? But hey, it gets worse. The vending machine also stocked Homies (TM), which I believe are some sort of miniature figurines of kids living in the ghetto. OK, so picture this. You really have to go to the bathroom in the middle of a movie. You rush in, do your business, and then as you're leaving, you think, "Huh... at this point in my life, I could really use a tiny figurine of an inner-city kid. And hey, only fifty cents - what a bargain!"
  • I swear to God, if I get one more e-mail about Paris Hilton, heads will roll.
  • Does it bother anyone else that a comic strip that not only prides itself on being non-sequitur, but in fact is called "Non-Sequitur", now features the same recurring characters (Danae and Lucy) each Sunday? I think he should change the name to "Sequitur."
  • When I was coming back from Florida today, I went through the same old plane procedure that I've been through a hundred times. I like to listen to music in the airport as well as on the plane, so I come on board with my CD player on. Of course, as we're taking off, the flight attendants tell us to turn off all portable electronic devices, so I have to stop it for ten minutes. Does it baffle anyone else that we can make an airplane that can cross the Pacific Ocean, but we can't make one that will function properly if my CD player is on? I mean, really...
  • It's a new year, and that means a fresh new year for movies. We've all been through this before. In the first four months of the year, the studios have saved all their movies that were just barely good enough to release, but not nearly good enough to release during the summer when everyone's going to the movies or during the fall, which is saved for the Oscar contenders. I'll catch the 2003 films I missed and maybe watch out for the occasional gem in March or April. Then, May won't look so bad, but in June will begin the onslaught of summer blockbusters. We'll be bombarded by sequels, remakes, and movies based on other media; there will be many big hits and perhaps a few great movies. Things will begin to go into a slump again during September as teens (the movie industry's biggest target) go back to school, but in late October, November, and December, the studios have saved all their really good films, because apparently the Academy members have really bad memories. So they'll cram in all the good films here, and I'll be stuck only having time to see half of them before they're whisked away. It's a completely ridiculous procedure that really emphasizes the flaws of the movie industry, but hey, it works for them, and they're not going to change. So bring it on, 2004. I'm ready for the films, so show me what you've got. Let's see if you can make 1999 look like 2003.
  • Just a couple more weeks, and then I'll commence my long-awaited Senior Slump. I wonder what I'll waste my time doing during this time, the second semester of my senior year. Ooh, here's an idea! I could go to www.amazon.com and answer so many of their "nickel questions" that I get a thousand dollars placed in my account! Hell, I already have ten cents from those things...
  • I think, in addition to a regular car horn, cars should come equipped with a horn that makes the car blare, "I'M SORRY!" I make some stupid mistakes while driving that I'd like to apologize for.
  • I think they should make a parody of "Austin Powers" about the film industry, where the Austin Powers character is an independent filmmaker struggling to make it without going into mainstream Hollywood. Jack Valenti would be Dr. Evil and Harvey Weinstein would be Fat Bastard.
  • I came up with a great idea today while driving by a golf course covered in snow. Snow Golf - for people who enjoy golf, but seek an additional twist. Just think about it. No divets to replace. No tees necessary. If your ball heads for a pond, you can hit it off the ice. But good luck finding your ball, buddy!
  • Blockbuster is the largest video rental chain in the universe. I have always seen it as a necessary evil. Refusing to stock NC-17-rated movies but stocking unrated directors cuts that would have gotten an NC-17, stocking largely full-frame DVDs when most customers clearly prefer wide-screen, and using stickers to remind the customer to rewind the DVD, Blockbuster has never been known for its logical decisions. I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised by my experience in Blockbuster today. I went in with a full bladder and a strong desire to use the bathroom. I rushed for the door, only to find it locked. I asked the clerk for the key, but she told me she wasn't allowed to give it out anymore. I had to wait until she was done with her customer, and then she finally trudged over to unlock the bathroom for me. On the way, she explained to me that people kept accidentally locking the key in the bathroom, and it got pretty expensive when they had to keep breaking the lock in order to retrieve the key. I guess it never occurred to them to buy a second key.
  • You know, I remember a time when movie channels were known for showing movies and not award-winning TV shows and when regular channels were known for showing TV shows and not edited versions of movies. It's a crazy world.
  • I've got a great idea for a new reality show. Get three of the most hardcore liberal, Michael-Moore-esque revolutionaries you can find, and three of the most rich, bigoted conservatives you can find, and give them a different debate topic each episode. No mediators, no audience, no rules. And each one is equipped with an aluminum bat and a butcher knife. Now that's entertainment.
  • I think regular corporations should follow in line with the political campaign advertisements, where some time is spent on taking down one's competitors. I'd like to see commercials sponsored by Coke that don't advertise Coke but just bash Pepsi the entire time...
  • "Welcome to the Pepsi taste test! Bottle #1 contains ordinary Pepsi, and Bottle #2 contains ordinary human feces. Let's see which one our blindfolded volunteers prefer!"
  • "Hands down #2, Bob."
  • "I like #2 better."
  • "#2, no question."
  • "Well, you've heard it here first. People like excrement better than Pepsi. However, at least drinking Pepsi doesn't cause e. coli..."
  • You know Sonny, the spokesbird for Cocoa Puffs who says, "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs"? I wonder, if his wife slept with another bird, would Sonny be cuckoolded?
  • America's value system is all out of place. Let's face it: we're prudes. Why is our Foulest of Foul Words a word that means fornicate and not one that means kill, maim, torture, mutilate, or murder? Or look at our movie rating system. The MPAA protects us from the slightest implications of sex, while letting by all the violence you can imagine. And think of our last two presidents. Bush waged a totally unnecessary war against an innocent nation, killing many Americans and many more Iraqis in the process. Clinton lied about cheating on his wife. Which one gets impeached? But which one is hurting the country more?
  • Maybe if we reduced our feelings of how taboo sex is, we could demystify it, and sex would seem less like a cool, rebellious act that teenagers would have recklessly and spread disease. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening any time soon.
  • Argh! People, I need some advice. There's this girl Megan who IMs me about 10 times a day and just won't stop hitting on me! Every time, she's like, "Hey sexy! Check out my web cam!" or "Look at these hott pictures on my web site! 18+!", but she doesn't seem to get that I'm just not interested. She even uses various screen names - I guess so it doesn't seem like everything's coming from the same person. She seems kinda clingy; I think if I told her to go away, it would just break her heart. Can anyone suggest a way I can let my stalker down easy?
  • A nationwide poll was conducted in an attempt to determine what voters felt was the most important issue. The #1 issue was "Moral Values" issues, and people who felt this was the most important issue voted overwhelmingly for Bush. Yes, that's right. Americans as a whole seem to think restricting abortion and gay marriage is more important than the economy, education, Iraq, and even fighting terrorism. It's disheartening to think that if you were to ask the average American which group of people poses the biggest threat to the fabric of American society, they're more likely to say the Fab Five than Al-Qaeda.
  • I think whoever decided to put these huge east-facing windows and these lame Venetian blinds in my room, so that when I wake up too early in the morning and am trying to fall back to sleep, I can't because the sun is rising right in my face through the stupid blinds, should be stripped of his architectural license. And whoever came up with the idea of Daylight Savings Time is on my hate list too.
  • Why is it that when you ask someone how they're doing, "not too bad" is considered a positive response? Shouldn't "not too bad" only be considered a good thing when what you're talking about is supposed to be "too bad"? As in: "Hey Bob, how was your colonoscopy?" / "Oh, not too bad." Besides, it's such a vague response too. It could mean a huge range of emotions - everywhere from "slightly better than too bad" to "absolutely amazing." I think we should expunge this phrase from our collective vocabulary.
  • I think I'm going to start carrying around a screwdriver wherever I go. That way, if someone is ever in a situation where they need a screwdriver, and they say, "Hey, anyone have a screwdriver?", I can reply with really scathing sarcasm, "Yeah, I carry one with me wherever I go." And then when they say, "Hey man, you don't have to be so mean about it", I can say, "No, I was being serious" and pull it out.
  • Today in one class we were talking about the guy who went to a McDonald's drive-through window, put a cup of hot coffee in his lap, drove off, and suffered some bad burns. This raises the question - if he had drank the coffee instead of spilling it on his crotch, wouldn't he have suffered burns to his mouth? Why do restaurants keep the hot beverages so freakin' hot, anyway? Whenever I order a hot drink, it's always scalding. Do people actually like their drinks hot enough to burn themselves? And why do I always drink them, for that matter? Even though every hot beverage I order is always too hot, I never wait for it to cool; I cautiously taste it right away and end up burning my tongue. Why is this? Is it because, despite past experience, I just naturally hope for a beverage served at a reasonable temperature? Isn't that what we all just want out of life? ...No, not really.
  • My friend showed me an article a little while ago that said that when teenagers talk on cell phones in the car, it causes their reflexes to be impaired so that it's like they're about 70 years old. It also said that it doesn't matter if the phone is hands-free, talking on the phone is just too distracting. I have two questions: (1) If it's illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving in some states, why isn't it also illegal for 70-year-olds to drive? (2) If having a phone conversation while driving is enough to cause a significant distraction, why does it have to be a phone conversation? Why is it legal to have any conversations in cars?
  • Have you ever seen two gas stations just across the street from each other, and yet one is charging more for gas than the other? Doesn't that defy the basic laws of economics? How does the more expensive gas station stay in business? Maybe it's actually a conspiracy, and the gas stations take turns being the cheaper station, hoping that it will draw more overall customers if people think they're saving money compared to the norm.
  • I think one network should start a postmodern reality show, where contestants try to come up with the best ideas for reality shows. Each episode features the contestants producing a small sample of their latest reality show idea, and the suckiest idea for a reality show causes the person to get kicked off. The winner gets to turn his or her best idea into a real reality show. Maybe each episode could feature a washed-up, D-list celebrity that everyone has to work into the show concept somehow. And all the rejected reality show ideas can be licensed to Fox.
  • Okay, now I've got a brilliant idea for a whole new genre of television: the surreality show. My first example of such a show, called Remnants of Transcendance and hosted by Salvador Dali's corpse, will feature contestants on a deserted island. They will have to outwit, outlast, and outplay each other by ensuring that the giraffes can travel safely from Cincinatti to agnosticism. The players must avoid being seduced by the island's naked Japanese toothpaste tube and must watch out for raining clocks. Can somebody say "instant hit"?
  • I realized recently that when Comedy Central offers "paid programming" late at night, they are most likely talking about perpetual advertisements for those Girls Gone Wild DVDs. This raises two questions: (1) Are there really this many young girls who are so comfortable with their bodies that they are willing - nay, eager - to flash their breasts on camera and have it marketed to a bunch of horny males?, and (2) is selling the Girls Gone Wild DVDs such a lucrative industry that they are able to spend this much money on paid programming? If the answer to both questions is yes, I know what I want to do when I graduate!
  • Yesterday (9/6/2005) I inadvertently ran into 37 people I know (I counted). I am only including people I actually talked to (a hello at the very least) and were not intending to see. Granted, I'm back on my college campus, but that is still an extremely high number of people to see. I think I should call Guinness.
  • I don't understand the concept of spam. It's a form of advertising that has inspired the development of better and better ways to filter it out, preventing you from seeing it. How effective can such an annoying advertisement be? Do you know anyone who has been convinced to buy something based on spam? "Come to think of it, I could use an extra two to three inches on my penis!" "Wow, low rates!" "Now that you mention it, some Viagra would really hit the spot right about now!"
  • Just now I realized what it would be like to be a "straight man" observer in, say, a Buster Keaton movie. In the lobby of my dorm building, I pushed the button to ring the elevator just as a man walked up carrying width-wise an enormous wooden board (that looked about twice the size of his body) and placed it next to the elevator. I wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, but then he walked off and came back with an identical wooden board. Then he must have wandered off somewhere, because when the elevator came, I got in and he didn't. Finally, just as the elevator was about to close, he came running up, grabbed one board, and maneuvered it into the elevator, which had a ceiling about two inches taller than the board. I held the door for him as he grabbed the other one and brought it in the same way. The elevator started going up, and it was then that I noticed he was carrying a shoulder bag and a roll of duct tape. He nervously tried to put the duct tape into a side pocket of the bag, and as he fidgeted, it sounded like the bag contained about 700 marbles. Finally, he unzipped the bag and put the tape inside, the marbles clattering at the sight of the new arrival. He got to his floor and I held the door for him as he maneuvered the two boards outside the elevator. He thanked me and left, but I could just stand there dumbfounded. I could never bring myself to sympathize with straight man observers, but now I finally understand their plight.
  • By the way, I should mention that his floor was one below mine, meaning that he was in the same residential program I was. And though he seems like the kind of person one would remember, I don't recall ever seeing him at our program meetings. I've been making jokes about the event, but what if he was someone dangerous? I could see the headlines now: "College Student Found Bludgeoned to Death with 700 Marbles: Enormous Wooden Boards Found at Scene."
  • You know those Lamisil commercials with the little yellow demons that lift up a toenail and dive inside to infect it? Those things really creep me out.
Author Comments: 

More random thoughts will be added as I think of them.

This idea was actually inspired by Samuel Stoddard's random thoughts at www.rinkworks.com/ithink. If you like mine, read his too; his are probably funnier.

AAHH!! Sanctuary for the abstract thinker. Thanks!

AJ you are a very scary young man. I mean this in the kindest of ways....

lol, thank you jgandcag.

not that it makes any more sense, but i've read that semolina is a kind of pudding, and pilchards are a kind of fish... i'm sure it will help you to imagine that crawling up the eiffel tower. :)

LOL, thanks

You're safe for now AJ, but I'm casting a wary eye your way. :-)

Pssh, whatever. Pineapple lifesavers are the best of the fruit flavors. Of course butter rum are the best of all the flavors...

Bah! Much as I love pineapple as a fruit, I've never thought pineapple candy was very good. It's OK, I guess. Have you tried the new flavors?

Well... no. I'll make an effort to pick some up, though.

I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!
-Mitch Hedberg

This is a beautiful list my friend. I too have abstract/provoking thoughts as well. But I think I'll make a list of quotes of mine. Thanks for the inspiration.

AJ, do you have a website? If you did, this list would be perfect as a daily blog. I'd sure as hell check it out every day.

If you don't have a website, get crackin', sonny!

Alas, I'm not computer-literate enough to run my own web site. For now, my profile will have to do. But thanks for your comments; I'm glad you enjoy this list. That reminds me, I have another addition for it.

Blogger should do the trick for you AJ (if computer literacy is the only thing holding you back). I'd certainly subscribe to your weblog if you started publishing one. Alternatively, I know AAA has a LiveJournal site, so he could probably fill you in on how easy that is to use, and why he chose it over other blogging tools.

Ha! You really struck a chord for me with the "I'M SORRY" horn. Brilliant.

Great stuff m8!

Recently our small town got a Movie Gallery (A crappy video store). I decided to peruse their selection (I found All The Real Girls, yay) but I also noticed they had stuck big stickers on the NC-17 titles saying: "NC-17" (in big letters) and "not for young children". They were also located on the top shelf (about 6 1/2 feet). Basically all you see are women's legs in various positions or a buff midriff if you're lucky. They also have a porn section (not very PC) which I have not been in. (Not that I don't like the ocassional cheap thrill but I'm trying to catch up on the great films from last year and Ass-Canal Rockers 4 probably isn't one of them.) There is something deeply wrong with that. Why have NC-17 semi-dirty movies and porn just around the corner?

But the funny part was: I saw a couple of 18 year old guys loitering around the porn section trying to look inconspicuous (unfortunately one of them had bright pink hair). I turned around to pick up Ripley's Game and they had disappeared into the lair of porn. So I went over and found Storytelling for 5.99 (rockin') and went to the counter. Well they had made it out with some miscilaneous dirty film and were right in front of me. But the store had suddenly become filled with patrons. Well the woman at the counter asked if they really wanted to rent a porn film. Eyes were glued upon them. They said yes and went beat red. So she bagged it up for them and they went for the door. Across the store a young girl says But why do they wanna masterbate dad?. I felt so bad for them.

Just thought I'd tell someone.



That's one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thanks for the big laugh.



:-) Glad you enjoy the list.

Hello, Whilst extremely bored in my biology class yesterday, I found sanctuary in your random thoughts. They made me giggle and to be quite honest, made a lot of sense... So keep them coming! Kirsty (15, England)

Whoops, I missed this post. Thanks!

Advice on the Megan problem: How well do you know her? I mean I'm a girl, and so I know just how stupid some of them are, so I think its going to be hard getting the message to her....Could you totally ignore her from now on? I mean not open anything she sends you? Or do you see her every day? It's a problem all right.....

Heh. Sorry... I didn't know how well that joke would work, or if people would even recognize the situation. I actually do get tons of unwanted IMs, many of them from someone claiming to be named Megan, but the IMs are automated and designed to get me to click through for pornography. I don't know if getting spam IMs is just an AOL thing, or perhaps just a me thing.

Anyway, I thought it would be funny if someone thought that the porn IMs designed to entice people were an actual person that was coming onto him. Hence my Random Thought entry. But thanks for trying to help anyway!

Ha Ha, good joke.

Oh, by the way.... I always regarded Tyvek as a sort of wrapping paper for your house, except you can already see what is inside....

Is the Megan IMing item a new one? Nothing is highlted when I click 'highlight changes.'

Odd... it's not highlighted for me either. I don't know why.

Haha, a fantastic, fantastic read! Great job!

all these quirky random thoughts reminded me of something i saw on the internet the other day... it was a list, not on listology of course, that said greatest songs of all time, it was split into two different lists... one title read "greatest songs of ALL TIME: 1950-1970" and the other said "greatest songs of ALL TIME: 1971-2004"... just a funny random thought/observation...

i love the list btw.

Reguarding the "Moral Values" issue, read this and see what you think.

That's an interesting article, but I'm not trying to say that gay marriage bans were the reason why Bush was reelected or why he had more votes than in 2000. I am merely disgusted at the result of the exit polls, where 22% of Americans found moral values to be the most important issue (and voted 80% for Bush), compared to 19% of Americans who found terrorism to be the most important issue (and voted 86% for Bush). 80% of 22% (17.6%) is bigger than 86% of 19% (16.3%); hence, the percentage of people voting for Bush based mainly on moral values is greater than the percentage of people voting for Bush based mainly on terrorism. 17.6% of people across the country think that Osama bin Ladin is not hurting America as much as Michael Stipe.

At the risk of exposing how out of touch I am, what did Stipe do to piss off the morality folks?

He's gay. I was just saying that more people cared about voting for Bush's anti-gay-marriage policies than Bush's anti-terrorism policies, and I was just trying to think of an example of a gay celebrity. Maybe Ellen DeGeneres would've been more obvious?

What we really should 'expunge' is the use of 'How are you doing"' when people don't really mean it (i.e. as a general greeting, etc.). That's what birthed the uncommitted answer 'not too bad'.

BTW, I stole slipkid's suggestion before you could (you had plenty of time).

I wouldn't be opposed to expunging that, but it doesn't bother me as much as "Not too bad." However, from now on if someone asks me how I am doing, I'm going to say, "Not too bad, but still pretty terrible."

I expose and discourage illegitimate use of the question by responding in my usual overexposing, longwinded way.

Now that postmodern reality tv show is the first intelligent idea I've seen emerge from reality tv.

AJ, you really oughtta be putting some shows out there. What with your post modern reality tv, and your surreality show, you could achieve the near-impossible and make me interested in reality tv!

If only the network execs felt the same way. For now, I'll stick to making fun of reality TV right here. But my day will come...

Re: Girls Gone Wild .
Yes. Yes.

Although I've read that they hire instigators (is that the word I'm looking for?.. offstigators?) They're not-so-wild women who are paid to be wild and go into a bar, frat party, Nobel Peace Prize ceremony, to kick it off and take it off. Blame it on demon alcohol. In this case wild women do get the booze.

Well that conjured up the vision of Madeline Albright dancing on the bar with a bottle of Svedka. Good times.

When I checked my email today, it hit me: spam is a gateway drug for other advertisements. By making us feel that somebody, somewhere, has different ideas of adequacy than we do, we might be tempted to buy something to make us look better. Not that there's anything wrong with that...oh wait, there is something wrong with that...hmm, I don't like feeling confused, think I'll go shopping.

I knew I shouldn't have opened my email this morning.