Merlin's gut speaks out on : Random Things That *REALLY* Annoy Me (ouch!)

  • Wow. I guess I am growing up. This list no longer represents what I truly find annoying now (which is now almost nothing (almost)). I've learn the art of not giving a damn). When I wrote this list originally in 2005, I was 17 and nursing a broken heart to health. And I was spewing. Boy... was I spewing. I guess this is what they call as the 'growing up' process. Someday I'd like to know who they are.
  • Oh well, I can't even begin to tell you how much Listology has been a part of my growing up. It is like having friends, philosophers and guides like I never had in real life. Someday again, I'd love to write a whole post on it.
  • Whatever I say, I am still stuck in between liking and loving this list. I am also stuck between archiving and not archivng it. I am leaving it on at the moment... just for laughs. Don't take it too seriously, and if you're really interested, try to see what I meant =).
  • AS OF 2005
  • There are very few obvious things in life I seem to find extremely annoying, and finally, my gut speaks out on it.
  • Philosophy
  • Don't get me wrong, reading words of advice is actaully quite helpful and I really appreciate the works of greats like Ralph Waldo Emerson, Zig Ziglar etc. etc. It's just plain annoying when people start proclaiming their own philosphy, at the wrong time, in the wrong way. Now it's nice to hear advice, but please, theres a limit to how much sense of tranquility and smartness you can assume.I hate philosphers.
  • " Whatever happens, happens for the good". REALLY? You have really have some nerve telling me that when I've done horribly in my exams, have got dumped by my (ex) girlfriend, fallen ill and get a nice yelling done by my folks. It's gonna take all my patience and niceness not to yell at you or smack you with a clay pot on your head.
  • "It's gonna be OK."
  • No. It's not gonna be ok. If you can help me in any way other than being a smartass, please do. If not,go away. Be pragmatic. Be sensible. If you can't shut up and please don't bother me with your philosophy. You don't have any audience for that.
  • "Everything happens for a reason" and it's complimentary "Everything doesn't have a reason." ( Yes, I've heard this on the same day, for the same reason." )
  • I couldn't care less. No, saying this doesn't make things better,it makes things worse. Saying this is only going to make me hate you. Nothing more. If you'd really want to make me feel better, be straightforward, be honest, be sincere in what you say. Just don't get me irritated.
  • "No regrets"
  • Uh huh. Who the *hell* are you kidding? It's human nature to cry over spilled milk. You loose out on great chances. No regrets. You loose out on a great relationship. No regrets. You dump your boyfriend/girlfriend. No regrets. REALLY? People who say that all the time are actaully running away from the harsh reality called life. It's ok to get hurt. It's ok to lament over lost chances. If I accept that, thats when I can move on in life. If I cannot forgive, I can at least forget and move on.
  • "We an still be friends right?"
  • No, we can't. And please, don't give me your extended sympathy. I don't like my wounds to be salted. You dump me and still want me. Why don't you just say "I know I'm kicking you in the nads, and I'm just hoping you won't be slagging me off to everyone we know for the next 6 months". If you can hurt me, I am not foolish to get hurt by you furhter. It's either black or white. You either take it or leave me. In peace. Don't do the Miss. Nice Girl act. [a special word of thanks to buddy on this :)]
  • People lying. About anything.
  • Gangsta-Rap Lingo
  • "Knowwhhaadaamsayiin brotha?"
  • No, we don't know what you're saying. Please be clear about it. If you are not going to make efforts to move your tongue (and use your mind) properly, I am by no ways going to take the pains to listen, decipher, process and least of all, reply to your rant. And no, it isn't cool. Not even if Eminem and Jay Z do it.
  • "Daht's mah Gurll"
  • What language are you speaking my dear friend? This is earth, not Mars. Or is it that you've got asthama? Or is it that you've forgotten english pronounciation of your first grade? Whatever it is, please learn to speak in decipherable english. You are not showing off, you are making a fool out of yourself.
  • Being diplomatic while critizising.
  • "No, he isn't being sissy, he's just being metrosexual."
  • "Metrosexual"
  • For goddssake you make it sound as if somene is making out in a Tube. If you want to compliment a guy, say smooth, say suave, say cool if you must, but this sounds more like you are abusing him. If one more time I hear being called that while applying skin lotion, I am going to grab the person by his legs and hang him/her upside down.
  • "Hmmm"
  • What 'hmmm'? Can't the mush of your decaying slush of your brain come up with a better reply to my question? This particular expression has grown into overusage so immensely. I so bloody hate it.
  • People using 'alternate' words too much in the hope to impress everyone around them
  • Like,""In the long run, the english dialect has been overruned and maimed 24/7 with verbose verbiage that the populace can endeavour to absorbe only by obliquely referring to the dictionary."
  • Blah Blah Blah. Qwak Qwak Qwak. Oink Oink.
  • Stupid Scientific Researches.
  • Hypocrisy
  • Rap Songs that go like
  • "Yeah Uh"..."C'mon Now"..."Uhuh"..."Yeah baby"..."C'mon gurrll"..."Everybody on the dance floor"..."Awyite"..."Yeah Uhuh"..."Wooo!"..."Don't Stop"...(groan)...(grunt)...(Heavy breathing)...." Yeah uhuh woo!"...(again groans and grunts)..." Keep it going girl"..."yeah uh"...
  • Stupid, dumb, misplaced questions
  • People wrting huge huge comments and mails without caps-lock on. iT iS a pAiN.
  • Putting a 'DJ' before your producer name. It's worse than naming yourself something as dumb as 'Alligator Project'.
Author Comments: 

Just passing thoughts on life...

Ouch indeed. It's true that a lot of these platitudes often get spouted at times when people are least likely to want to hear them. Perhaps a bit of genuine sympathy (even empathy) would be better placed.

Another way of reading "We can still be friends, right?", is to hear is as "I know I'm kicking you in the nads, and I'm just hoping you won't be slagging me off to everyone we know for the next 6 months".

A bit of empathy is always whats needed, if only ppl would get the message...

lmao!!!"I know I'm kicking you in the nads, and I'm just hoping you won't be slagging me off to everyone we know for the next 6 months".
Couldntve put it better myself!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks! It feels so much relevant now that I've been so nicely dumped..

Glad to inject a bit of humour into the situation. I hope things get better for you soon - until then, by all means, get angry. A little rant is sometimes needed.

I agree... totally.. thanks a lot :)

No problem.

I LOVE IT!... plenty of stuff on this list I've wanted to rant about for a long time... although i do have a difference in philosophy about 'no regrets', it could be preached a whole lot less, some choose to reminisce about lost oppurtunities and some don't, i hate it when people push one on others... There is also nothing I hate more than the term metrosexual, it is an insult, and i'm sick of people trying to be polite or politically correct when insulting people, as far as i'm concerned that shit goes out the window when the intention is to spit on someone... if your a man and you use skin lotion I'll call you a fag, jokingly of course, but still for insulting purposes. I just hate when people insult other people but try to protect themselves from any backlash by being all technical and fancy about it.

oh yeah... add 'everything happens for a reason' onto my hate of ridiculous philosophy that should be kept to themselves.

Boy am I glad someone liked this rant of mine...I was getting a feeling I was the only one odd out here :-S :)...

*jaw drops* WONDERFUL!!!!! 'everything happens for a reason' Two thumbs up!

Metrosexual (*gulp) ... I HATE ANYONE who says that! and lol btw I was jus givin an example of the skin lotion chum :)

i figured as much on the lotion...

Reading your post again makes me wanna add - "Being diplomatic while criticizing". If you mean it, say it. Don't beat around the bush.

exactly... well put

this list is pactically lovable...esp abt the Gangsta-Rap is a far off word...irritation can descibe this better!

:) Thanks! I agree totally.. if only ppl. would stop doing it...

Another plague of the modern age is beatboxing. What genius dreamed up that?

Actaully it isn't that popular.
But I agree, it sounds more like pigs grunting or (WARNING : Offensive Spoiler) experiencing an oragasm . Eeww. Very annoying...

i can appreciate a good beatboxer... problem is most of them suck.

hahahaha a good beatboxer ... does this species exist at all?

contrary to ur beliefs...hmm can be a vry useful getaway word...and philosophy duznt really suck ll that much...its just painful when shown off at the rong time

contrary to ur beliefs...hmm can be a vry useful getaway word

The very reason why I so damn hate it. I mean if you are avoiding a question, say "Dont as me that". Say "I don't want to answer". Say "drop dead you friggin moron". Say "Bugger Orf". But "hmmmmm" doesn't sound that good. At least to my ears :). And if you are avoiding my remarks, please for the love of god, hmm is the worst way to do it.

and philosophy duznt really suck ll that much

Yes, I agree on that... I've cleared that fog in the begnning itself. I actually love Ralph Waldo Emerson. Your ending sentence says it all :):)

Actually the two points you've just put up make me think of one of my (now) friends... God if only I didn't have to hear so many 'hmmmmm's from her... (though her philo. is quite ok ok... just annoying when she puts them under the before mentioned reasons ( "Everything doesn't have a reason ). Ouch.)

ouch-seems to b ur fav word,though i completely agree wid ur view on liars

C'mon, Merlin, throw your hands in the air, and wave 'em like you just don't care!

Shalom, y'all!

L. Bangs

And everybody in the house SCREEEEM!!!!

Contrary to what it might seem, I do love having a great time!!!:):)
It's just that rap songs like these turn me off...better rap like Starry Eyed Surprise makes me swing up in the air :):)

I believe that "people lying about anything" topic, is obviously conditional. For ex. if one were to lie about something to prevent people from rioting, or the like, wouldn't one be obliged to do it? After all, a lie that truly benefits the good of mankind is morally correct.

In short term, yes. But what about long term?

I am not gettting politically offensive, but what about all those lies about Saddam and WMD? Is it doing any good?

What about self-lying? It's widely accepted that it's impossible to integrate into society without it (and those who test low on the ability to do so also correlate very significantly with chronic depression).

Example: You buy something, and you have a few post-purchase misgivings about it. You have two options right here. 1) Be honest with yourself, research everything on the product, and realize you just wasted 500 dollars. Wallow in self-pity. 2)Research the product with subconsciously pro-product connontations. Read all of the site that talk about how great what you just bought was. feel good about your purchase, and convince yourself what a great buy it was. Be happy.

Or what about the most common one?:
You meet one of your co-workers, who you very rapidly pick up on as emitting powerful signals of dislike. You have two options: 1)lament why they don't like you, thus cememnting their dislike for you permanently, and lowering your confidence in social interactions, or 2)Come up with a reason why you don't like them, and tell yourself "I don't like him. He's ..." rather than accepting the dislike.

Those are relatively minor, although very visible examples, but there are far less obvious and much more numerous (but equally neccessary) ones in day to day life.

Those who can't do this have a great deal of trouble functioning. On top of this, entering any new role in life is essentially living a lie for the first while. I believe it is neccessary and important to being human to delude yourself in various ways. And of course we all do it: if we didn't, all of us in the west would spend our entire lives doing charity work. The only people who have ever lived who have any possibility of not doing this, that I can think of, are maybe...Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Buddha. (And I'm not sure about that last one - he was a regular prince before he was a great leader of peace and tranquility).

Also...white lies? For example, what guy hasn't told a girl she doesn't look fat in something without actually looking? There are clearly situations where lying in a minor way is the only reasonable course of action. And what about the many prisoners who escaped from a concentration camp in Nazi Germany (my grandparents included) by lying about their identities? Surely you can't be against that sort of lying?

Lying has been an integral part of the society since it's conception. It is wound so tightly into our society ('our' not being restricted to my country, I mean the humankind as a whole), it has become like a lubricant, without which society cannot function normally. Yes, the kind of lies you mentioned that can be potentially life-saving... but those lies (like lying about identites to the Nazis) are created because a greater danger awaits if they don't. It is kind of lying about your school bully to the principal, in a way. Their purpose is not to 'lie' technically, but to 'deal' with the evil (excuse my limited vocabulary). That includes escaping from the Nazis and punishment for the bully. I am not against that kind of lies, and it is unfathomable that anyone would... if they did, I'd not be surprised to see them in the Stone Age.

I disagree about self-lying. What is your basis for the statement and those who test low on the ability to do so also correlate very significantly with chronic depression ? It is quite the opposite, imo. Constantly lying about yourself creates an impression which is far displaced from the reality, causing multiple problems. When the reality strikes, if it ever does, it creates a more severe depression than constantly knowing the truth about yourself. Walowing in self-pity is just a temporary fallout of the mistake. Realizing that we made a mistake is a long-term advantage, isn't it? In case you do lie, you are equally likely to make the same mistake again, lie again and so on... it's a vicious cycle.
Self lying is needed at times, yes. But certainly those who can't do it CAN function prperly and I daresay, better than the rest. It is these people who can make an honest self-analysis and spot their true weaknesses (SWOT, if you like). But of course harmless lying ain't causing no trouble...

Like some wise guy said, "The man who tells the truth all the times doesn't have to remember anything but he doesn't have any friends either."

The basis for my statement is psychological research. I agree, it is really counterintuitive, I was very surprised by these studies when I first read them myself. A whole pile of findings on the subject are nicely summarized by this article (pages 2 and 3 are more specific on self-lying):

As odd as it seems at first, it does make logical sense with more careful analysis. Successful self-lying allows us to exaggerate all of our positive traits, and downplay our negatives. The strange thing about self-lying is its engrained nature: we're not harbouring a continuing awareness of hiding the truth from ourselves, we actually convince ourselves. You're right, when the reality strikes, it does create depression, but that reality, too, can be self-lied away (it has, in fact, been theorized that the cause of non-chemical depression is the striking of such a reality, and being unable to lie it away).

This may seem like a vicious cycle, but further examination of social psychology gives us a clue as to why this is a highly important act, and not quite as vicious as it seems. A vast amount of psychological research find that negative self-concept and low self-esteem is a great predictor of failure. (with the exception of EXCESSIVE self-esteem, which leads to high levels of aggression, but this is a pathological form of self-lying). Here are some studies (and summaries of several) evidencing this:

Being entirely honest with oneself would lead to an acute awareness of personal shortcomings and weaker comparisons of the self with others, which would certainly lower self-esteem. Since a lowered self-esteem causes one to function at a less-than-optimal capacity, it would make it very difficult to overcome these depressing views of the self and one's situation. Therefore, the only way to really overcome one's weaknesses and improve one's situation is to avoid these less-than-pleasant observations, thus allowing maximum functioning in day-to-day life, unhindered by the negative self-concept brought on by this perfect knowledge of the self (aka, a lack of self-delusion).

[For example: John doesn't have very many friends. John is very aware of this fact, and it makes him very depressed. John's depression annoys the friends he currently has, and prevents him from meeting new people. This causes him to have even fewer friends, and prevents him from escaping his situation: he only makes it worse. On the other hand, instead of being totally honest with himself, John could think to himself "That's silly, of course I have plenty of friends. I'm such a likable person that practically everyone I meet becomes my friend, and I know tons of people." This isn't actually true (the people he knows aren't actualyl his friends), but this change in thought causes John to exude real confidence, causing peopel to flock to him in just the way he thought they would.]

While, indeed, there are exceptions in which self-lying can be detrimental (and it can perhaps, as you said, lower self-esteem eventually, though temporarily, if the reality breaks through), but in general, this rarely occurs, the self-lying is subtle, it usually isn't done to excess, and often acts in a way to make the delusions about oneself become realities. The general trend finds self-lying to be a positive action in most circumstances.

Here again, it's upto a person's individual personality. I'll carry forwards with 'John'. John doesn't have very many friends. John is very aware of this fact, and it makes him very depressed. Here itself, the knowledge of the fact that 'I don't have many friends' can or CANNOT lead to depression. Someone who's highly self-sufficient and an introvert may not feel depressed. It may seem like a Red Herring, but thats where the need to lie or not to lie can take place.
Being entirely honest with oneself would lead to an acute awareness of personal shortcomings and weaker comparisons of the self with others, which would certainly lower self-esteem . Why? I don't see this being true all the time. Again it's upto you. One can either be strong enough and work it or can wallow in self pity.

Lying is a means to soften the everyday hard fall of reality. Of course, it may prove to be a shot-term boost, but then you eventually have to learn to accept the truth, imo.

True, many people don't get depressed about such facts and can get over them through sheer willpower (if there is such a thing). However, the majority of people do get depressed like this. It's a statistical thing. Number of lies (including to oneself) has a powerful correlation with happiness. There will be many exceptions, of course, as a general trend. The non-exceptions, however, require self-lying to get through this, whether they're aware of it or not. And since it makes them happy again, and eventually solves their problems, which being fully aware of them could not do, I can't see it as a bad thing. I'm also torn between determinism (free will is an biologically advantageous illusion) and free will (it's all up to you) at the moment, so I'm not entirely sure that it's possible for most people to simply be unbothered by certain facts.

I don't really think it's biologically possible to avoid self-lying, actually. Our brains do it to us all the time: think: habituation, in which our brains convince us that a stimulus is no longer acting on us, when it is. Repression, in which our brains convince us that something didn't really happen. Possibly free will: in which our brains convince us we have control (possibly). The examples are endless. Without these processes (and many more), life would be nearly impossible: like, can you imagine how torturous it would be to be aware of every stimulus that occurs around you?

As for facing the truth, I don't think you always have to face the truth, and you often aren't even aware of the truth anymore. Plus, the lie often becomes the truth. (Ie: a 20-year-old that still lives at home, has never had a job, and didn't finish high school convinces himself that he's a hard-worker and has the ability to do anything he wants [not true at the time at all, seeing as he has no evidence for this, he just completely made this up about himself]. This allays his depression, energizing him to go finish high school and go on to higher education. His new found self-esteem attracts a mate. By the time he's 30 he has a Ph.D., a high paying job, and a wife, all because he self-lied, which pulled him out of his slump.)

Great list! You've inspired me to make my own, check it out if you got the time :D

Seriously, don't archive this, it's gold! I think it's obvious you were slightly annoyed when you wrote this (" "It's gonna be OK."
No. It's not gonna be ok.
) but no matter, a lot of the points are still true, and even if not, all are entertaining to read (:
By the way, when you said you hate philosophers do you mean in the sense of people who don't know anything about philosophy trying to make their own philosophies about living life? I personally find real philosophy very interesting, about ethics, religion, knowledge etc.

By the way, when you said you hate philosophers do you mean in the sense of people who don't know anything about philosophy trying to make their own philosophies about living life?

No, not that. One does not have to 'know' philosophy to follow one's own. That's too uptight and ridiculous. Treating philosophy as science is against the whole concept of philosophy (remember that this is my personal opninion though). Every single one of us is different and 1+1 is not always two in philosphy. IMO, philosophy is something so complex, that it cannot be treated with the clean simplicity of science. And it should not be.

I 'hate' (so to speak) philosophy when it is used as sophistry in emotionally intense situations. You know like when you've been dumped or you've suffered a major emotional setback and how people philosophize all kinds of shit. I don't care to remember what they said when I made this list but some of my friends were the 'inspiration' (hehe) behind that rant. Also, my ex used to think she was a pretty hardcore phiosophy know-all back then. No, not true philosophy (which I admire, nay, love), but her own brand of it. Which is to say pretty ridiculous.

Ahh ok, gotcha, thanks!

For goddssake you make it sound as if someone is making out in a Tube.

Haha, this one gave me a laugh ;)

Great list, its a fun and honest critique of human habits and tendencies. I agree with all your points, especially the personal philosophy part when people try and impart their wisdom (like self-help books) on what you should do in life.

:) I re-read the list after ages and wow, I guess something written in a state of pure upset can strike some chord somewhere. Thanks :)
Hey you're in India btw? I am.

Hey yup, I'm in Pune right now :) I've stayed in Bombay previously and I prefer it (South Bombay anyway).

Great. Nice to find some fellow country mates liking, and understanding EDM :)