Drew Velvet's Shit List (A Work In Progress)
Submitted by Drew Velvet on Tue, 04/29/2008 - 03:45
Tags:
- Britney Spears.
- Paris Hilton.
- Fergie. (The Black Eyed Peas were (believe it or not) actually listenable before she joined the group and messed up their sound).
- American Idol.
- Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana.
- High School Musical.
- Fuck it, the whole Disney Channel in general.
- Every "reality" show on TV in general, but ESPECIALLY the ones that involve has-been/non-celebrities.
- Any recent hit song that is accompanied by a dance, and the people who perform them (Soulja Boy, I'm looking in your direction).
- The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas and anybody that supports them. Also any people in general who choose ridiculous ignorance and intolerance over reason and logic, all because of "what the Bible teaches" (but the Phelps family and WBC have to be the worst offenders).
- Stormfront.org and similar "white nationalist" bullshit, including that mumbling, stuttering fuck Paul Fromm.
- Celebrities (especially celebrity couples) that are constantly in the news for whatever reason, no matter how asinine.
- "Celebrities", or people that you have to wonder what it is exactly that they do, and why are they famous for doing or NOT doing it.
- People that walk around with their hands in their pockets or at their sides while talking on one of those earpiece phones. I'll forgive you (maybe) if you're actually doing something else with your hands, but if not, it wouldn't kill you to hold the phone to your ear like a normal asshole so that you won't look like you're crazy.
- George W. Bush.
- Sex And The City.
- Will Ferrell.
- Yuppies.
- Fake-ass people in general.
- Overly materialistic people.
- The View.
- Rosie O'Donnell.
- Dr. Phil.
- Every horror movie made within the last decade or so. We have enough bad comedies already. Funnier ones, too.
- Bad remakes of good movies.
- Even worse remakes of already bad movies.
- Bad sequels to good movies (especially if it's many years later and/or nobody from the original movie is in it).
- Even worse sequels of already bad movies.
- Bad covers of good songs (Note: covering and sampling are 2 different things).
- Bad songs that incorporate samples from good and/or once popular songs.
- Kenny G and other artists such as this that have the audacity to call themselves jazz musicians.
- God-awful, overly sappy love songs attached to equally sappy movies (i.e. Armageddon and Titanic).
- Speaking of Titanic, anything and everything concerning Celine Dion.
- Limp Bizkit.
- Stupid commercials that parody once-popular songs by changing the lyrics to sell their product.
- Half-assed albums by great artists.
- Michael Bolton.
- Friends (The TV show).
- The term "preggers".
- People (especially celebrities) who give their children ridiculous-ass names.
- Ann Coulter (I don't use the word "cunt" very often, but I think it's safe to say that nobody is more deserving of this label than Ann Coulter).
- Bill O'Reilly.
- Fox News in general.
- People who edit their curse words in their writing (i.e. "f*ck", "sh*t"). This is totally pointless since we know what word is being used.
- Also, people who write "G-d" instead of "God". This is even more pointless and stupid, especially since "God" isn't even a curse word. And before you get on my case about "taking the Lord's name in vain", I've noticed that many of the people that do this aren't even religious. Furthermore, as in the previous item, we still know what word you mean, so why try to edit it? Trust me, omitting the middle letter of God's name doesn't make you any less of a sinner. In fact, in my eyes it makes you the exact opposite, which is why this subject is on my shit list in the first place.
- People (especially tourists) that you see in public going apeshit with their cameras, taking pictures of EVERYTHING (and I do mean EVERYTHING: streetlights, garbage cans, escalators, McDonald's, you name it).
- Suze Orman (OK, I realize that the information she gives can be very useful and valuable...but she's so ANNOYING. I can't stand the sound of her voice, and I can't even look at her because she's one of those people that has to open their entire mouth and show every single tooth they have when they talk. I can do without that).
- People who write "your" when they mean "you're" (I don't mean to be so anal about grammar, but for some reason this particular error drives me CRAZY).
- Crocs (and the people who wear them).
- Guys who wear sandals.
- Anybody (male or female) who wears socks with sandals.
- Ugly people (particularly women) who think they're "the shit".
- Fat people (particularly women) who think they're "the shit".
- Miss Manners.
- Stupid teenagers/young people who engage in "the choking game" for amusement (Simply put, if you die doing this, you deserve it. Period. I have no sympathy for your stupid ass).
- Award shows (but especially the Grammys and any award show presented by MTV).
- MTV (God, how the hell did I not put this on the list before?).
- VH1 (I'm not gonna lie, the "I Love The '70s/'80s/'90s" specials were entertaining, but they're not enough to excuse the large quantities of pig shit that make up the rest of the channel's programming).
- Michael Vick.
- O.J. Simpson.
- Sarah Palin.
- The day after Thanksgiving.
- People who wait outside stores at 3 in the morning on the day after Thanksgiving.
- About 97% of all Christmas music.
- Horrible remakes of the very few Christmas songs I do like.
- People (customers) who put shit back in the wrong place when they're browsing through items in a store.
- People who leave their garbage on the floor or on a table or something when the garbage can is RIGHT FREAKIN' THERE!
- Auto-Tune (Seriously, this shit's gotta go. This is one major reason why I can't listen to the radio anymore. It's bad enough that I'm not a fan of it in the first place, but now it's gotten to the point where virtually every popular song is using it...and it SUCKS! It'll die one day, right? RIGHT? Pleeeeeease?!).
- CDs packaged in digipaks or sleeves as opposed to plastic jewel cases (I just really don't like digipaks and sleeves mainly because the cover/artwork gets messed up or worn out a lot easier because there's no jewel case to protect it, not to mention the same thing happens to the disc itself if packaged in a sleeve).
Author Comments:
In no particular order, I present to you the list of people and things I'm tired of hearing about, that I hate, that piss me off, and that I wish would just fall off the face of the Earth. If I piss anybody off, or rather, BEFORE I piss anybody off, keep in mind that this is MY opinion and I am entitled to it, just as you are entitled to yours. Furthermore, this list is just something I'm doing for the hell of it because I'm bored, and which will also only be updated when I think of more stuff while I'm bored. If you disagree with anything on this list, I can't stop you, but I'd rather not read a bunch of angry messages telling me what an asshole I am.
On the other hand, if you'd like an explanation for anything on this list, I'd be more than happy to provide one.
I really dig your shit list. I have my own list titled "The biggest idiots/no-talent hacks/scumbags on my TV in 2008 " that's a close proximity. But I have WAY more scumbag politicians than just GW Bush, O'Reilley and Coulter (and yes, all three make my list) You might wanna check it out for some more names to add, plus I think you'll find my top 5 eerily funny.
And I have to agree: covering and sampling are two different things- actually three, because covering can be split into two categories: copying covering, like that ripoff of Supertramp's "Give a Little Bit" I have to hear on the radio all the damn time. Then there's creative covering like the way Yes did "America" by completely changing the style of the song to fit their own unique sound.
Sampling, on the other hand, is, pure and simple, stealing.
It's an even lower form of plagiarism than copy-covering and people that use sampling in their music are complete frauds. You could almost say it's not even their music.
And Kenny G. fucking BLOWS (see- I didn't use any assterisks!) And I do mean that in a bad way, 'cause sometimes John Coltrane fucking blows and I'd mean that in a good way.....
Haha yeah, Kenny G definitely blows (in a bad way of course).
I was also amused by your shit list and you actually did give me some good ideas that I need to incorporate into my own list later.
As for sampling, it's kind of a touchy issue. I can definitely understand your take on it, but being a huge fan of hip hop and sample-based music in general, I must disagree a bit. While it's true that many artists that sample aren't talented at all and literally just rip off entire songs (often times once popular songs) without even bothering to manipulate or change the sample at all to make it sound different, a great deal of sample-based music incorporates samples in a very creative and unique way, often using multiple samples and combining them to create new sounds, or "chopping" up the sample and adding other effects to it to give it an altogether new sound.
Furthermore, most music that heavily relies on sampling mainly uses samples from obscure records from obscure artists, many of which have been lost in the shuffle and unheard by most people. The way I see it, sampling allows a way for new life to be breathed into these forgotten gems. It also allows certain little parts in these obscure records (that are only used once) to be looped over again, for those who enjoy loop-based music (sample-based music and loop-based music go hand-in-hand). There's not really a whole lot else I can say in defense of sampling, but if you don't see where I'm coming from I guess we can agree to disagree. :-D
What a terrific response on the sampling issue and I can certainly see where you are coming from. I may actually say we can agree to only partially disagree, since you did indeed highlight the type of sampling that I find most truly tasteless and plagiaristic.
One of my favorite artists, Keller Williams, uses loops all the time in his live shows. But then again he plays the part he wants to loop on the spot, captures it and plays leads and sings behind the loop. In this way he can "play" bass, guitar, drums/percussion and sing all at the same time. They call him the mad scientist. Though he's more rock and bluegrass in his leanings you should check him out.
Keep up the good shitlist work!
I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from on the sampling issue. I forgot to add earlier that another positive aspect of sampling is that it can help turn you on to music you had never heard before. Speaking from experience, when I was younger I used to be really thickheaded and I listened to nothing but hip hop (and I mean NOTHING else). I thought all other music sucked. As I got older I realized the majority of hip hop was sampled from other kinds of music, and I had this desire (I still do) to find the original sample sources. This has helped turn me on to all different kinds of music, and now my tastes are a lot more eclectic.
That Keller Williams guy sounds interesting, I'll have to check him out sometime. Do you happen to know what equipment he uses to capture and loop his sounds?
For Keller I would suggest you go here:
http://www.archive.org/details/KellerWilliams
Free, downloadable concerts. Ahh the Archive.
Also see Steve Kimock for a G-R-E-A-T guitar master. It's either Keller or Kimock who has been the best guitarist to emerge in the past 10 years. LOTS of other free stuff at the archive- mostly jambands but some classic era stuff too. A little house/trance style as well. Bluegrass too.
Also you can grab a few freebies from Keller Williams home page.
Ciao
Why may I not wear sandals... without getting on your shit list?
lukeprog: Hehe it's nothing personal, for some reason it just doesn't look right to me (just a little quirk of mine I guess). But it's not like it's a catastrophe or anything. My best friend wears sandals all the time and I don't hate him for it. :-P
Actually, I think I might have to divide this list into categories later. It doesn't seem fair to put a silly thing like guys wearing sandals on a list that includes demons like Fred Phelps and Ann Coulter.
CaptMal: I'm glad you enjoy the list. As for Will Ferrell, I just can't stand the guy. I admit that, like you, I found his work on SNL pretty funny...but as for his movies...yikes. And because he seems to have a new movie out every couple few months, the posters and previews are virtually unavoidable and cause me to hate him more and more. I feel that if he wasn't everywhere like this, I wouldn't hate him so much. He should have just stuck to SNL, then he might not have been on this list in the first place.
I applaud everything on this list with one exception:
Will Ferrell.
Okay. I'm not even going to pretend that his movies have been good. I liked Elf, but the rest have been dreck, especially that new Step Brothers, which just made me feel nasty and icky. (Well, okay, he's done some really good, less mainstream fare such as Melinda and Melinda and Stranger Than Fiction. You can really see him growing as an actor in those.)
But I think he's really, really funny. He's one of my all-time favorite Saturday Night Live cast members, plus he was involved with the underappreciated The Oblongs, not to mention his guest spot on Undeclared was beyond memorable.
So I guess I would agree if you had the listing as, "Will Ferrell's film work." Because I dig his TV work. ;-)
Oh, and Ann Coulter is not only a cunt, but a soulless bitch. And nice call on Fred Phelps. You do not know how much I detest that man.
Because I'm too lazy to look it up myself, what is "the choking game"? I mean, I think I can get a pretty good idea from the name, and I've vaguely heard of it before, but I don't know the details.
Basically it's when a bunch of stupid young people take turns choking each other in order to "get high". The game has resulted in death or permanent brain damage many times.
I'm not exactly sure where or when this whole thing came about, but one theory is that it provides a way of getting high without risking getting caught with drugs or alcohol by parents. Clever, huh? ::rolls eyes::
I actually haven't heard anything about it in quite a while, but I remember seeing a bunch of news stories on it a few years ago.
Yes Sarah Palin.
Yup, she is quite an evil bitch.
Palin in '08
Palin in '09
Impeach Palin in '10
"Wall St. is Thunderdome"
I argee with you on so many things on this list! Especially everything disney channel. I'm a teen, and everyone in my school loves Miley Cyrus, High School Musical, and everything Disney Channel and it annoys the hell out of me! This is a great list, good job!
Haha... This list is quite good.
The only thing we don't agree on is #38. Good job.