Darktremor's pet peeves
Submitted by darktremor on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 04:49
Tags:
- "Awkward...silence!"
- Nothing lifts an awkward silence like pointing out that there's an awkward silence! Honestly, even if it isn't an awkward silence it always turns into one after this moronic shit. Who the hell wants to be the first to talk after somebody drops this crap? Way to turn a brief lull into a conversational black hole, dumbass.
- "If you don't believe in god, then doesn't that mean you can do whatever you want?"
- Yes. Being an atheist automatically exempts you from all laws, social norms, mores, and bodily requirements. This one time I was gonna get arrested for killing a cop, but I was like "You can't, I'm an atheist!" and they were like "Cool, you're free to go." Atheists also don't eat or sleep, we get all the energy we need from blasphemous heresy. Oh, and our unholy alliance with Satan.
- "I'm high on life!"
- I'm self-righteous about two things at once!
- People who constantly tell irrelevant stories during lectures.
- Honestly, what the fuck are they thinking? That we'd prefer hearing them ramble for 10 minutes about their kid to being taught the things we paid to learn?
- Homeopathy
- The worst part isn't the fact that this treatment can only be described as completely moronic - it's that unlike almost any other scientifically disproven pseudomedicine, its practitioners feel the need to constantly tell you how wrong you are for not using it.
- Besides, know what it is? LITERALLY, it's medicine, minus the medicine. You take medicine, then dilute it repeatedly until there's chemically no medicine left, then drink the water. Seriously, it makes no fucking sense, and it's been proven wrong over and over and over and over, but no, it's not wrong, there's a conspiracy among scientists to keep homeopathy down. OK, you caught me. They let you in on it in grad school. If you ever reveal our secret cabal, a small microchip in your head explodes (*dies*).
- "I listen to everything but country."
- Yeah? So what's your favorite industrial noise band? What about minimal glitch? Serialism? Free-jazz? No?
- This always means "rap," "rock" (cause they like Nickelback), pop, and "techno" (read: pop dance). Nobody listens to everything but country. Not one fucking person.
- "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual!"
- Their cult is different from all the other cults, it's new! Plus you know you're in for hundreds of idiotic references to chakras, life energy, chi, psychic power, body meridians, UFOs, homeopathy, crystal healing, Qi, Fung-Shwei, and everything else that makes a rational person die a little bit inside. Or as Daniel Tosh put it:
- "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual!"
- "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
- Referring to "drugs and alcohol."
- Animals and rabbits. Clothing and shirts. Body parts and ears. Guns and revolvers. Not only grammatically and logically incorrect, also an excuse for all kinds of hypocrisy and moronic behaviour. IE: I don't do drugs. I'm good to my body - I don't like to impair my judgment (glug glug glug). (*drives off*).
- I'm not even making that shit up. I actually don't think I could come up with something that fucktarded.
- "The only people I hate are bigots and [insert group of people they hate here, usually gay people or the homeless]."
- I'm actually have trouble fathoming how it's possible for someone to even think something this stupid, let alone that I've heard it about 20 times. Oh, and I don't mean as a joke (which has been old for about 8 years anyway).
- You took psychology? Haha, did you take it to find out what's wrong with yourself?
- Everyone who has ever taken psychology hates this joke. Everybody who uses it thinks it's really funny and clever, but we've all heard it around a thousand times. It's a hundred years old, shut the fuck up. Closely related to...
- "You took psychology? Does that mean you know what I'm thinking right now?"
- Writing that has either their or there confused with they're.
- Yeah, I know this is pedantic, but it annoys me so much. Mixing up there and their I can understand, but they're? I read it as "they are" every time.
- John and Cindy took they are kids to the store.
- Look at that tree over they are, by the house!
- (*twitch*)
Hey! I listen to everything but Country, Pop, and Anthem trance.... And whatever other genres I don't know about LOL.
But I fuckin' hate it when people say that too.
What about "I don't read no books. Them books r 4 stoopid pepple!"
It makes me want to become a serial killer.
Or...
"I only read the great book of the lord, Jesus Christ."
Wait.... I thought jesus was his son... And which bible are we talking about here????
"I don't read no books. Them books r 4 stoopid pepple!"
Haha, I've only heard that one twice, actually. Not enough for it to become a pet peeve. Once was on Starcraft, and the second was from someone who is now a bowling alley cashier - as a career.
That second one is pretty annoying too, but not a pet peeve of mine, to me it's just one of many popular ignorant Christian statements.
Nice post, thanks for sharing.
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