Confessions Of A Movie Junkie
Submitted by stooky on Tue, 07/13/2004 - 06:36
Tags:
Things To Keep In Mind If You Plan To Be A Movie Junkie
- 1.
Watch your figure.
Your stomach will grow out and over top of your pants if you have a slow metabolism. A pleasantly plump figure is great for a movie-phile but chicks don't dig it. - 2.
Maintain a consistant sleeping habit.
Keep your circadian happy and you will never fall asleep on a movie (Unless you want to). - 3.
Never walk out on a bad film.
In later years this pain will ferment into the best stories and insights you'll have. Everybody likes a good funny story. - 4.
Get a copy of a few 1000 movie lists and treat them as a doctrine.
You'll need a firm foundation of what you like, then you can forget it and go wild (woohoo). - 5.
Movies are not a replacement for relationships.
You need a personal life or you'll burn out and become a bitter, foreign movie loving, aesthetist blow-hard. Rockin'. - 6.
It's okay to love movies other people hate.
Having your own opinion will make you an interesting and dynamic personality. Keep in mind that you may hate them in later years and that's okay too. - 7.
The big screen.
Movies are always better in a theatre (no matter what they are). Take the time and savour a select few, you'll thank yourself later. - 8.
Know what you're talking about.
Read literature about movies, listen to director commentaries, pay attention to what great movie-makers say, read fan-zines and magazines and most importantly go to film school. It enhances your appreciation for cinema to understand why a certain technique was employed, plus it'll help if you ever become a film-maker. - 9.
Become fluent in Trailerology.
These bits of film are the easiest way to spot a dud. - 10.
Never trust a movie store clerk until they've proven themselves.
They're getting a paycheck, so they'll reccomend the stupid movies the boss designates. They don't care about your sanity. - 11.
Videocassettes suck donkey balls.
They're the cinematic equivilent of fast food, the person who invented them should be embarrassed. - 12.
Pace Yourself.
You can't watch them all at once, so take your time and savour each one. The Confession
Star Wars...
When I was four I was able to see several films that were getting heavy rotation. The first one was Star Wars, which I watched at least 20 times before I was made to stop. It deeply influenced my idea of what cinema should be; entertaining and dramatic. It also developed a rule every person should take note of: If you have to sneak into a room to watch Star Wars, never play with the volume since it will alert suspicious family members.Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan...
I still can't watch the bug-ear scene, it's just so creepy. It gave me terrible nightmares at the time. Plus, Spock was always cooler than Kirk.- In the next year-and-a-half I watched a large group of animated films and children's movies
The Incredible Journey...
The weepy children's film that I absolutely adored in my first decade. I have been recently told my relation to the film had been so profound that I did a lot of barking and running around the back yard pretending I was lost. The power of cinema.Old Yeller...
My first truly irritating movie experience.Return Of The Jedi...In The THEATRE...
I sat too close the screen and achieved that certain fish-eye angle that is overwhelming in a theatre. The sound blasted and my ears rang for the first 20 minutes. Yet I was not diswayed, the film was incredible, eye-popping and unlike anything I have experienced before or since. Luke was morbid, Darth was Huge and those Ewoks were hemma-cute. The experience was everything that had been described to me and more. Top 10 experiences of all time, definately.My First Three-fer: Jaws, Poltergeist and American Graffiti...IN THE THEATRE!...
When I was young and inexperienced in many, many ways my family took me to this three-fer. My sister (very, very cool) decided I should get a good start and convinced my parents that I wouldn't be warped by restricted movies (still under debate). I sat farther back this time, which helped, and I had my first popcorn (the popcorn at the theatre used to be in a huge KFC-size bucket). I settled in, the theatre was packed with rowdy people and a huge fathead sat in front of me then moved a couple of seats down. All three films were excellent and we all talked about how great they were in the car-ride back home.The Great Mouse Detective...In The Theatre...
My most emotionally affecting movie experience, a perfect meeting of mood and film that coalesced so vividly it gives me goosebumps. I still remember every scene as if I'd watched it yesterday.Aliens...In The Theatre!...
I was about to see what would be my favorite film for 10 years. The curtains rolled up and I saw an animated panther rampaging across the screen that turned into the restricted sign. The movie started with that slow pan shot of space and the tiny ship. The letters came up and I was hooked. The ominous music, incredible effects and thrilling horror blew my mind. I was 9 and this was the greatest thing I'd ever seen.Renting the videocassette recorder...
I decided it would be great to rent a VCR and watch some movies. The main reason for this was Predator, the Arnie vehicle that I was itching to see. My parents finally relented and I was allowed to rent several films: Predator, Ladyhawke, Someone To Watch Over Me and Masters Of The Universe. An interesting selection that kept me up until 12 AM. All of these movies seemed good at the time and I joyfully recounted my great watching experience at school on Monday. I'm pretty sure I started watching films to have something to talk about with my friends.Empire Of The Sun...In The Theatre...
My last great experience of a film through a child's eyes. The world seemed positively open-ended and I was enthralled with the film. The majestic film-making and boy hero gripped me from beginning to end. I watched the film later on and realized I hadn't recognized the harsher points of the film, somehow I had seen a different movie, a kinder, gentler movie. That was suprising.- We bought our own VCR and the movies stopped being as important. I still watched several good films, mostly the hollywood blockbusters or films that had good promotion on the television. The best of which would be: The Princess Bride, Moonstruck, Lethal Weapon, Dangerous Liasons and Midnight Run. I had recently found a Leonard Maltin Video Guide at the local library and as I flipped through I began to notice a hierarchy in films.
My Sister Introduces Me To "Casablanca"...
Up to this point I had rarely ventured earlier than 1975 for any film least of which a black and white movie. She promised me I would like it but I had doubts. The film started and I was really bored, nothing happened, people did a lot of talking and I couldn't understand what the heck they were talking about half the time. Sis stopped the movie about 15 minutes in because I was wiggling about and asked me what was wrong. I said "why am I watching this film? it's boring." She looked at me and said, "This is a story, the story of a man who loves a woman who can't love him back. He has stranded himself in a country to escape his past but it's caught up to him. Just give it a chance and if you still aren't having fun in an hour I'll turn it off and you can go play." I thought, "good, I'll just wait it out." But something strange happened, she started the film again and I began to understand what was happening, she was using him and he was letting himself be used. He played both sides and looked really cool. I was so enthralled that when my sister asked "do you still wanted to watch it?" I asked her to be quiet. It was brilliant, love had turned this empty man into a human again. It ceased to be important that Casablanca was black and white, there was so much more going on under the visual surface.The Black And White Insanity...
I started renting earlier films. I felt like an explorer who had found something new, wonderous and grand. After a year I had surpassed my sister's knowledge of early cinema. She decided I should have more movie books so she ordered me a Videohound. The two books I now had contradicted each other except on certain films, and those were the films I wanted to see. I made my list and stuck to it.Highlander II or The First Time I Realized How Horrible Films Could Be...
Before this film I had harboured a rather cosmopolitan view of cinema. The bad films entertained me as much as the good films. I had however been watching much better films and had started noticing certain qualities in a lot of these films. While watching Highlander 2 I noticed during a battle near a huge beam of light that the old sword had just "appeared". I said "Well where the hell did that sword come from, was he just packin' it around up his ass all these years?" and that unleashed a torrent. "And I thought Sean Connery died in the first one. And if all these immortals are aliens why does it say in the first film that "highlander" was born to a woman in his village? What the hell. This movie is a piece of s**t." The people I was watching it with agreed with me whole-heartedly.Misunderstanding The Trailers...
During my formative years (i.e. puberty) I was subjected to the early 90's barrage of trailers. Sadly, I was roped into many a stinker just by watching a happnin' bit of film. I vividly remember the trailer for "The Wraith" (the hideous Charlie Sheen vehicle) it was fantastic, truly performing on a new level of false advertising. I spent 6 dollars renting that film just because that trailer was so darn cool. And there were quite a few more, many that are pretty embarrassing. Not until 4 years later did I fully understand how to spot a dud. That was a long 4 years (check 92-96 for the evidence).
Another great entry, Sir Stook! Good advice all, and funnily told. Not so sure about the necessity of #8, or at least the film school part, but it can't hurt either.
Thankyou Jim. Sir Stook is a grand moniker, I like it.
#8 is aimed at young moviephiles a lot like Rushmore aka Andy, although gaining knowlege is never a bad thing at any age. We need a new breed of young film-makers to stir the stagnant waters of cinema, a revolution is needed. And when I say we I am referring to me.
I'm enjoying the updated year by tiers BTW.
Tallyho
:?)
Your sister sounds cool. How nice to have an older sibling that does more than torture you (as the older brother, I regretfully report I mostly tortured my brother).
I actually had an older brother 2. And yes he enjoyed torturing me, very much.
But his favorite film is Rambo: First Blood Part II. Look who has the last laugh now.
(The sad, sad triumph of a movie geek)
Tallyho
:?)
Ah, but every other movie geek knows you're the real winner.
Interesting, great article, I'd love to see more pieces like this here. Good job!
Stooky, many thanks for this list(s). Funny, informative, revealing, and...friendly, yes, that's it, I get friendly vibes from this list. It's going on my list (not yet posted) of Favorite Listology Lists.
Wow, I'm flattered. I had fun doing this one, floating down the ye old wave of nostalgia. BTW what's happnin' Bert?
T'ho
:?)
I'd like to say, to quote the famous movie by saying, that "My Johnson is happnin'," but that would be boastful, not to mention somewhat inaccurate. (Can you name the famous movie?) You may have noticed that I have posted a list called My Nostalgia Year For Movies: 1972 , but after seeing your list here I now consider my list an unfortunately narrow conception. I'm now considering doing a list of Earth-shaking incidents and movies from my movie-watching career. Pretty much a clone of your list here, which, as I have indicated, I admire very much. But will I get around to it? Remains to be seen (to quote the sign outside the...place where they keep the newly dead bodies). Don't you hate it when you know you know the word but you can't think of the bastard!?
*Morgue*
Remains to be seen. Ouch!
"My Johnson is happnin'" I would suppose to be a John Holmes (snicker) quote, but you know...I don't really know. But now I'm incredibly interested (seriously), who's johnson is happnin'? Begging the question, why am I so interested (stook's latent gayness finally surfaces)?
Yeah but that's the list that inspired my list and therefore great by absentia. At least I think so.
Good idea, I wanna see such a list, you being a much better writer.
Sorry about the late reply but I've been mulling over the quote. In fact I've been thinking about the word Johnson so much I've turned into a raving butt-watcher. Good grief! Not that I wasn't before but now I go out the door and my eyes are like..."quick there's a butt!" Sufficed to say women have been giving me funny, sometimes fearful looks.
T'ho
:?)
It's from Alien. Or (I'm not sure) it might be from the special edition of Alien. After their rough landing on *the planet*, Ripley asks Parker and Brett, via the intercom, "What's happening?" and, out of her hearing of course, Parker says...
And I apologise for my part in the unfortunate personal consequences for you and those poor fearful women whose butts have caught your attention.
Good quote, would've been one of the last movies I'd have guessed the quote was from. How's said mentioned list coagulating?
T'ho
:?)
The clot is thickening. The pun is punishing. Don't you just love words? 'Coagulating.' So much to list, so little time. "List of my favorite words that I don't use for passwords on the net" - no thanks.
The aforesaid previously and penultimately mentioned list is on my to do list - or would be if I kept one (that's something I really should do). Oh, it'll be grand - a cast of a thousand - or maybe it'll be gross, with a cast of 144.
I do in fact love words, and bad puns as well. :?)
Hehe, c'mon you could list "tocophobia" (fear of childbirth(not to be confused with "Tacophobia"(or fear of Taco Bell))) and "coitophobia" (fear of sexual intercourse) which could be linked together in a word called "tocoitophobia". (snicker)
Not to mention perfervidly awaited list?
T'ho
:?)
"Tocoitophobia" - fear of giving birth to an 'it'?
Good call, I'm not exactly sure myself. :?)
Cool word though, you could just slip it into a sentence one day and see if people notice. :?D
T'ho
:?)
Hey Stook, I've at last made a start on my clone of this list. As you can see it's an ambitious undertaking. Contemplating the work ahead, I must admit to uncomfortable feelings of tocoitophobia :-)
Can you or anyone else reading this recommend some good film appreciation books?
Film appreciation...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. lbangs, question on aisle 11. Film: The Critics Choice an interesting cross-section of critics and films. Good reviews for the most as well.
Pauline Kael rips it up, not always the best judgement but always funny and well written.
Roger Ebert has a way of explaining film that's entertaining as heck.
A good book is What'll We Watch Tonight?
I like Feature Filmmaking At Used Car Prices.
Videohound is funny.
Leonard Maltin is funky.
Video Movie Guide is probably the best of the movies as fast food books.
Movies On Video & TV is quite good as well but hard to get.
Time Out Film Guide has good reviews.
Variety is okay.
Halliwell is British (not a bad thing).
1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die is great.
100 Best Movies You've Probably Never Seen is funny and compact.
"On Filmmaking" by Edward Dmytryk is good.
Cinematherapy is a hilarious woman's point of view.
Martin Scorcese's book is fascinating as well as the accompaning movie series.
A favorite of mine is Facet's Movie Lover's Video Guide.
T'ho
:?)
Wow, great list! Thanks a lot!
Too bad my library sucks ass. Can you believe it didn't carry a single one of the book titles you mentioned???
I'll find 'em.
No prob. :?)
I found this list while looking for another one of your lists ("Reasons you love life") to reply to a comment you made.
Anyway, what a find! You've completely reminded me how I came to love watching films. I have similar memories to yours, as I suspect we're around the same age. I, too, remember the panther at the beginning of restricted films, and I remember how adult I felt seeing it. I remember the popcorn in buckets, which was one of my favourite things about going to the theatre. And, most importantly, I remember absolutely loving watching movies both good and bad. I don't remember which film it was, but I recall the feeling of seeing a movie and thinking "this blows" for the first time ever.
Your sister is awesome, by the way. Not many people have someone gently introduce them to new styles of cinema, and who goes to bat for you regarding the watching of restricted films. Too bad about your brother. ;)
Thanks! :)