Adaptations. What I Would Do If I Had Charlie Kaufman's Talent and Steven Spielberg's Influence
Submitted by Kza on Tue, 05/03/2005 - 02:03
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- FLCL by Kazuya Tsurumaki & Yoji Enokido (TV)
- My favorite anime of all-time, and possibly one of the strangest as well. A boy living in a town in the middle of nowhere is clobbered with a bass guitar by a sexy (yet psychotic) female alien, which causes him to sprout robots from his head. That only skims the surface of this totally bizarre coming-of-age story, which also features a secret lab shaped like an iron, a dog-shaped robot-thing that eats cell phones, and baseball. Given the opportunity, I'd definitely Americanize it, and I'd even simplify the 3 hour story -- both of which would make me Public Enemy #1 in the eyes of anime geeks -- but I'd also try to recreate some of the crazy-ass visuals straight from the show, a la Sin City. Unfortunately, there's only one real choice for Haruko (the psychotic sexy alien), and that's Zooey Deschenel -- and she's getting older every day... Also: If for some reason I couldn't use the original indie-rock soundtrack of the Pillows, I'd hire Weezer... to recreate all the songs in the original Japanese. If you've seen the show, you know it has to be done.
- Cowboy Bebop by Shinichiro Watanabe (TV)
- Popular anime about a crew of intergalactic bounty hunters: Spike, a cocky martial-artist with a tragic past; Jet, an ex-cop and owner of the starship Cowboy Bebop; Faye, who was frozen cryogenically in the 20th century and is now trying to pay off her bills; and Ed, a 12-year old girl who is both a world-class hacker and certifiably insane. Actually, I'd be surprised if this wasn't in development somewhere; while the far-future setting has some interesting twists (colonies are spread over the solar system, and look like Western frontier towns) and there's lots of action and humor, it's the relationships between the four that sell it. They bicker and haggle and get on each other's nerves, but they're still the only family they have. (Note: although there was an animated Cowboy Bebop movie, sadly, it lacked the wit and pace of the series and decided to be Profound and Ponderous. Don't judge the series by the movie.) For me at any rate, there's some pretty obvious casting here. Selma Blair would be great as Faye, and, uh, I wouldn't mind seeing her in Faye's outfit. I'd go with The Rock as Jet; he's got a great attitude and judging from Be Cool, is willing to do something different. Although Jet is a badass in his own right, he's still basically the mother hen of the group, and it would be fun to see The Rock in that kind of role. Lots of people could play Spike; I'd go with Ryan Gosling if forced to choose right now. Ed, though... That'd require a casting search. Kirsten Dunst circa Interview with the Vampire could've pulled it off, but other than her, nada.
- The Cellar by Richard Laymon (Book)
- One of the ugliest, lowdown, ridiculous, hysterical, no-redeeming-value horror novels I've ever read -- so it'd make a wonderful movie. A woman hits the road with her daughter to escape her sociopathic ex-husband (perfect for James Woods); at the same time, a mercenary (think Bruce Willis) is hired by a man to investigate a tourist trap known as the Beast House, where, as a young boy, he was attacked by a monster. Their paths cross, and together they discover the horrible secret of the Beast House. Published in 1980, it has that grimy '70s feel, like Texas Chain Saw and Last House, and that's how I'd film it. I'd even keep it in 1980, rather than modernize it, in order to really sell it as a throwback to that era of horror movies. Should be noted that there's a definite right-wing subtext to the novel (Laymon wasn't the most progressive-thinking guy, but his cynicism and conservatism are what gave his horror bite), but I'd think it'd be fun to find a way to flip that subtext back on itself, make it an autocritique. (I'd go into further detail, but I want to avoid spoilers.) Franchise alert!: He wrote two sequels!
- Random Acts of Senseless Violence by Jack Womack (Book)
- The Beetle Leg by John Hawkes (Book)
- Imagine a David Lynch Western, and you're about a 1/4 of the way there. More of a mood piece than a story, it's about a dam, a man who got buried in the dam after an accident, his brother who plants flowers on the side of the dam, the town that was drowned because of the dam, a motorcycle gang (who may or may not be human) that's terrorizing the town at the bottom of the dam, a corrupt sheriff, and a bunch of other surreal things. I think. (And I've read the book twice.) Written in the 50s (!), it would be the most unmarketable and uncommercial film ever, and God do I want to make it. And if you've read it, you can see the thing casts itself: The Wilson Brothers, Kathy Bates, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Wes Studi, Dwight Yoakam, Ethan Suplee, and more.
- The Crystal World by J.G. Ballard (Book)
- Who Made Stevie Crye? by Michael Bishop (Book)
- Anno Dracula by Kim Newman (Book)
- A Riot of Our Own: On The Road with The Clash by Johnny Green (Book, Bio)
- The Forever War by Joe Haldeman (Book)
- The Fleetwood Mac Story by Fleetwood Mac (Bio)
- Drugs! Sex! Ambition! Betrayal! Drumming! This one has it all. Well, if Mick Fleetwood's autobiography is to be believed, it wasn't all that exciting, but then, he's a self-effacing Englishman, so who're you gonna believe, him or me, the Hollywood Bigshot? Anyway, I would cover the period from Buckingham/Nicks joining the band to the completion of "Tusk", maybe even end it with a re-creation of the video with the USC Trojans. In-between, there's the overnight success, Lindsey & Stevie f'ing and fighting and writing songs about it, Christine & John McVie divorcing, and Mick Fleetwood stealing Stevie away. Oh, and Lindsey attempting to make all his George Martin fantasies come true with "Tusk". Yes, this could easily be done as a cheapie VH1 movie, but honestly, I like the band and would like to see the story get the money and attention it deserves. Imagine: Liev Schrieber as Lindsey Buckingham (getting older, tho), Brittany Murphy as Stevie Nicks, and (perfect!) Cate Blanchett as Christine McVie.
Author Comments:
Ideally, I'll fill out all the entries with some informative text. But you know how it is.
Items that could be on this list, but have been claimed by Hollywood: The Demolished Man by Alfred Bester (Book), Captain Marvel/Shazam! by Otto Binder (Comic), Mr. Peabody & Sherman by Jay Ward (TV), Thor by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby (Comic), Alpha Flight by John Byrne (Comic).
You realize, of course, that I now must see "FLCL". I'd never even heard about it before now, and it's suddenly a must-see. Damn you!
OMG, it's so freakin' awesome. Thing is, be prepared to be confused for at least the first 3 episodes (if not the whole thing), and be prepared to wanna watch it over again. It does come together in the end, but it does require patience. I've seen the entire thing about five times through, and I still see new things each time. And if I knew Japanese, then there'd be even more in-jokes and symbolism to decipher.
OK, now you've convinced me to find The Cellar and The Beetle Leg at my local library. But as it is, the one I'd be most stoked for would have to be the Fleetwood Mac movie. What makes it sound awesome isn't just the music, although that certainly doesn't hurt. No, what I dig is that unlike most musical bios, this isn't about one larger-than-life person, but about five people who were a volatile combination personality-wise while creating a whole bunch of awesome tunes. And I don't think the two can be separated- the music is a product of that volatility.
Their saga could even be seen as microcosm of how our society progressed/regressed during the seventies, from an uneasy society on the brink of revolution at the end of the sixties, to the greed-is-good, every-man-for-himself world of the Reagan 80s. Which brings me to my only suggestion- I mostly agree with confining the story to the years you've suggested, but I think a bittersweet footnote to the story would be their briefly reuniting onstage at the '92 Democratic convention, playing "Don't Stop" for Clinton. Could work either at the beginning or the end, but I prefer the end, to contrast with the true last hurrah of the "Tusk" video.
But what would the title be? One thing's for sure- the only choice for a tagline would have to be "someone oughta tell you what it's really all about."
I think most Macologists would agree that a Fleetwood Mac movie would have to be called "The Chain", as that was the only song where all five members are credited as song-writers. But of course, that's only if you're gonna go for that "upbeat" kind of theme.
But you're ideas are spot-on. (My friend Martin keeps pushing me to just a write a draft of the thing, probably to get it out of my system. I'm always bringing it up -- "Wouldn't it be awesome if...") The other idea is to just write a faux-Mac movie, because, like you said, it's about these disparate people coming together in harmony to create something bigger than themselves.
Wow, if I've convinced you to check out The Cellar and The Beetle Leg, maybe I should write up the rest of these sometime. (Or maybe you already know them?)
Oh, and I'd totally loan you The Cellar, but it's already loaned out. For like, the last 5 years, I think. I should check up on that.
Hey dude, just finished The Cellar -- actually burned through half the book tonight, in like three hours. Which is impressive, if you consider that much of the second hour was divided between Laymon and "Project Runway" (upon which my beloved wife has, to my eternal consternation and against my better judgment, gotten me hooked). All I can say is... hell of a book, but WTF is up with that epilogue. WTF, I say. Um, ew in my opinion.
Also, until Laymon mentioned the close-cropped black hair, I kept imagining Roy as played by Rowdy Roddy Piper. I don't know why.
1. Where'd you find your copy? When I got it for my birthday, I was told that it was difficult to track down (for a reasonable price, at least).
2. I burned through it in about four or five hours one lazy Saturday afternoon -- it's such a quick read. He's called the Hemingway of Horror, but I don't think that's a reference to quality :-)
3. God, I love that ending. It's so depressing and horrible, in a book that has something depressing and horrible on nearly every page. Part of the reason I'd want to make it into a movie is just to inflict that ending on people.
4. I kept picturing the one guy, the guy who hires the mercenary, as Newt Gingrich. So there you go.
1) It's available through my local library system in a Leisure Publishing paperback. In other words, looks like it's back in print, baby!
2) If only I had lazy Saturday afternoons in which to do that. Ah, who'm I kidding, I'd watch movies instead. :-)
3) I just... I... GAAAH. So fucking wrong. On so many levels.
4) HA! (I see him more as a wimpier Stephen Toblowsky, myself. And Jud is Kane Hodder.)