10 Reasons NOT To Read Arnold Schwarzenegger's Weightlifting Bible

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  • 10) You're perfectly secure in your masculinity
  • 9) You're not perfectly secure in your masculinity, but you refuse to go beyond the defined-but-reasonable look
  • 8) You're not particularly secure in your masculinity, but you're stubborn enough to refuse to buy into the ultra-mathematicized steroid-boostered muscle-bubble physique
  • 7) You're fairly insecure in your masculinity, but dammit, "Junior" pissed you off
  • 6) You're somewhat strongly insecure in your masculinity, but if you read a bible of any kind, it won't be by this pectoral monster machine ... maybe you'll read "Yahoo for Dummies" or something
  • 5) You're pretty insecure in your masculinity, you want to be pumped up, but DNA and Burger King have been conspiring against you from the beginning
  • 4) You're almost totally insecure in your masculinity, but you still stand alone against being told what to do by anyone, defiant, dateless, and obsessed with the Highlander films
  • 3) Your security vis-a-vis your masculinity is pretty much a dead issue, insofar as you do forearm flexes with clay paperweights
  • 2) Masculinity? Whatever. Mr. Freeze will NOT live your life for you
  • 1) You are either Richard Simmons, David Spade, or upside, inside out livin' la vida loca
Author Comments: 

???

I'm a lady body-builder, and these reasons fail to convince me.