Things Margo Said


========== Things Margo Said ==============
~ As I Remembered in Reverse Chronology. (With annotations. jw)

You can tweet jw at @JohnWalling, if that's how you hang.
{tweet} Indicates a previous escape on Twitter.

Margo is an old friend of mine who provided a wealth of quotes and observations. They're not all funny but some get you thinking. Dates are when I got around to recording them. Here are the most recent first:

Margo in motion, "Eventually you have to go with the wind and the tide, but for now I am dancing in my own direction."

Margo says she is forty-something. I believe the 'something' part.

Margo has faith: "I do religion to keep God on my side. So far it's working."

5/30/2009 {tweet}
Margo's advice to women: "If you blind-date a dictator, meet in a neutral country and bring cab fare. Pinochet was a mistake."

Margo being Margo: "My tolerance can flog your intolerance into submission because your thinking is not quite sound and your sentences are incomplete."

5/26/2009 {tweet} 5/30
Margo makes a point: "I take things out of the box and remove the labels. For example, this could be a can of baby corn or Vienna sausage."

Margo's rule: "Before accepting a dinner party invitation, find out who is being served for dinner."

Margo quotes "Lost in Austen" for my benefit: "You are so relentlessly unpleasant!" Ouch.

5/11/2009 {tweet} 5/26/2009
Margo's garden diary: "I put vitamins in the slug bait today. If it doesn't kill them it will make them stronger."

Margo on celebrity technology: "I enjoy watching talk show celebrity guests being hip, fumbling back and forth between twittering and tweeting and acting all befuddled."

13:48 5/10/2009
Margo gets a new mattress: "My bed is beautiful and floral. My neural nets are refreshed and the pain in my hip is gone."

Margo left me this voice message: "Frank proposed marriage again. I asked Frank, 'Do you want to marry me so I will drain your snake for free?' He said, 'Darling, I wouldn't ask you to do anything I wouldn't do for myself.' I left him at the Alibi bar nursing a gin and tonic. I could do better at a retirement home." (I didn't know men still drink gin-tonics by choice. jw)

Margo is sending me messages about the condition of her garden. In summary: Bees discovered the foxbox blossoms and the hummingbirds are displeased. Birds attacked bees. Cats attacked birds. Casualties are rising. Margo is so stressed she is planning on pulling out the foxbox plants, spreading mulch, and spray painting the ground green. (Is foxbox a real plant? I don't think so. jw)

Margo informs: "9 out of 10 men have genital herpes. Or, is it genital effusions? Either way, I can't stand those damn TV commercials."

Margo is astute: "Everything that can go wrong, probably won't. Otherwise, the cost of insurance would be out of the question."

5/7/2009 {Tweet} 5/31
Margo rejects effete artistic sensibility: "Do you have an 'appetite' for quality art? Really? Have you ever licked a Picasso or a Dali?"

Margo gets pithy: "Once you open a mystery box, the mystery is gone." (I think she got the quote from J.J. Abrams, but she's taking credit. jw)

Margo waxing poetic: "Oh, great aeroplane, I have nowhere to be this year. Save my jet fuel in your prodigious storage tanks."

Margo confronts aging: "I fought a mid-life crisis in self defense, and the crisis won."

Margo applies irony to TV violence: "A salt-bullet wound is the worst."

Margo on love: "Did you ever want someone to be your soul mate, but he didn't reciprocate? Me neither."

Margo expressing herself on behalf of her occasional boyfriend: "Frank has flaws. His flaws have flaws. His flaws are his best features."

Margo on mortality: "If I get a terminal disease, I want a walk-around disease, not one of those lay-down-and-can't-get-up diseases."

Margo on her life: "If birth certificates gave 'cause of life', mine would say 'a pint of Southern Comfort.'"

Margo on optimism: "My comfort zone is too narrow. I stepped outside it and pulled back a throbbing toe."

Margo questioning the news: "Raul Castro wants a meeting with President Obama without preconditions. Isn't requiring no preconditions a precondition?" (How often have I dismissed these little semantic conundrums without a second thought? jw)

Margo overheard talking on the phone to Frank: "I loath you! I disdain you! I despise you! I scorn you! ... I take it all back. I hate you!"

Margo gets 60 Minutes: "Power corrupts. I wish I was corrupt."

Margo explains her position: "What I said makes sense in the context of my delusions."

1/31/2009 {tweet} 5/20/2011
Margo on nature: "I couldn't survive in the wild. I taste too good."

Margo on macro economics: "How do you run a superpower on a shoe string? You borrow money from China and you buy all their swag."

Margo pretending to read a label: "This can of Fizz-Whizz contains fat-free fat, sugar-free sugar, gluten-free gluten, and smog-free air."

Margo upgrades a Leno joke: "Why would a man get sexual favors from a car wash vacuum? Couldn't he take the pressure from a water hose?"

Margo on relationships: "I don't take relationship quizzes, even if I have a relationship, which I don't, but I could."

Margo defines MADD: "MADD stands for Minstrels Against Drunkin Donuts. I know I'm right. What else could it be?"

Margo tries New Age methods: "I released my inner dove and my inner falcon and now I'm a mess."

Margo nails the generation gap: "All around the world, adults are having sex without their children's consent."

Footnote: Margo's existence is transitional, but the more she says, the more lively she becomes. (jw)

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