Broog on War of the Worlds

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Broog should write a book. His reviews never fail to make my day, and it's appropriate that he should work overtime on his War of the Worlds review:

The point is that Broog knows a thing or two about conquering Earth, and therefore has a unique perspective on Spielberg’s latest SF inactioner. [snip] Since Broog has gone this far, he will enumerate the failings of the unseen, but hopefully eviscerated, alien general.

[you'll have to click through for 1-6]

7. A proper heat ray should cause the subject to burst into flames and scream, not vaporise them quickly, leaving only outer clothing and (mysteriously) no underwear. Although Broog accepts that it is statistically possible, he doubts that every human killed in the film was 'going commando'.

I suppose I should warn you about all the spoilers, but really it's a remake of a 100-year-old story. Is there anybody left that doesn't know how it goes? But just in case, spoilers ahead...

Great stuff -- reminds me of a poem I'm rather fond of.

Heh.

Very nice. However I wonder how Broog would deal with heckling from the balcony and the pronunciation of a Sandra Bullock movie title, o'kay.
"It's one of those weird instances where art imitates... oh, I don't know, something horrible."

Excellent. I like "Dej-HAH-vous".

God I love that... thing. It humors! It humors!

I want to marry Broog and people the earth with his monstrous offspring.

Are you sure? From his latest review:

Broog’s perceptual apparatus is complex and splendid. In the visual arena alone, he perceives the world in ways you cannot imagine; in order to observe your cinematic efforts, he must shut a large number of his eyes and limit his hearing with special earmuffs, including one pair given to him by a now-deceased grandchild which resemble tiny rabbits. That Broog can wear these earmuffs without affront to his dignity is a measure of his awesomeness, and also of the speed with which he can seize and devour anyone foolish enough to make negative comment.

Who am I kidding? Eminently marryable, and that review (of Batman Begins) is another cracking good one, which he somehow manages to tie to Woody Allen ("the most terrible and devious human alive") gracefully.

If he can overlook my faults, I can overlook his.