Funny Pick-Up Lines That Will Rarely Work, But Are Good for A Chuckle, Nonetheless

Submitted by blindsider on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 10:00
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  1. Straightforward
  2. Did you fart? Because you blew me away
  3. You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.
  4. Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
  5. I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true
  6. Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you
  7. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
  8. I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
  9. Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my
  10. problems
  11. "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this
  12. room?"
  13. Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for
  14. Christmas.
  15. Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
  16. I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
  17. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
  18. I know I dont have a chance, but I just wanted to hear an angel talk.
  19. Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
  20. Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
  21. Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
  22. Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.
  23. POOF! (What are u doing?) I'm here, where are your other two wishes?
  24. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
  25. Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
  26. If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!
  27. Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .
  28. Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.
  29. Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.
  30. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
  31. Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?
  32. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  33. Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.
  34. Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
  35. I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
  36. You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.
  37. I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.
  38. You look life my first wife! (how many have you had?) none.
  39. Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
  40. I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?
  41. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
  42. Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say... "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."
  43. This is a test of the emergency pickup line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pickup line.
  44. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
  45. I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.
  46. If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
  47. Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.
  48. Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.
  49. Your body is a wonderland and i want to be Alice.
  50. I'm like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be.
  51. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
  52. Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.
  53. Did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
  54. I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!
  55. If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
  56. Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.
  57. You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room.
  58. If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
  59. Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
  60. Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
  61. Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love.
  62. Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
  63. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
  64. I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
  65. You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
  66. You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
  67. Are you an alien?, because you just abducted my heart.
  68. What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
  69. I can tell your future, it is you giving me your number.
  70. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
  71. Giant polar bear (What?) It's an icebreaker. Hi, my name is....
  72. Your so hot when i look at you I get a tan
  73. I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.
  74. You look so sweet your givin me a toothache.
  75. My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!
  76. If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
  77. You - "Did it hurt". The other person will naturally say "Did what hurt?", You - "When you fell from heaven."
  78. Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
  79. Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
  80. You say "I bet you $20 I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "I lost."
  81. You got something on your chest: my eyes
  82. Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
  83. I don't know if you're beautiful or not, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.
  84. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
  85. Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
  86. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
  87. Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!
  88. The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.
  89. I wanna bag you like some groceries.
  90. kiss me if I am wrong, but isn't your name (take a guess)...Janice????
  91. Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only TEN I see
  93. Geeky
  94. You had me at "Hello World."
  95. You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
  96. I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
  97. My 'up-time' is better than BSD.
  98. Are you an angel, because your texture mapping is divine!
  99. You've stolen the ASCII to my heart.
  100. You got me stuck on Caps Lock, if you know what I mean.
  101. How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
  102. Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
  103. Your beauty rivals the graphics of Doom 3.
  104. You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
  105. I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
  106. Want to see my Red Hat?
  107. If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
  108. You put the SPARC in my workstation.
  109. You make my software turn into hardware!
  110. Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?
  111. I'd switch to emacs for you.
  112. What's a nice girl like you doing in a chatroom like this?
  113. No, that's not a Logitech MX-100 in my pants, but thanks for noticing.
  114. Nice Set of Floppies!
  115. I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.
  116. If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.
  117. Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
  118. I'd like to play on your laptop.
  119. Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I’ll give you sudo access.
  120. If you were an ISP I'd dial you all day long.
  121. I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video.
  122. I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen.
  123. Your homepage or mine?
  124. Hey Baby, Let me hack your kernel
  125. No, that's not an iPod mini in my pocket. I'm just happy to see you.
  126. Computer techs have skilled fingers if you know what I mean
  127. Want to come see my HARD Disk? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
  128. Need me to unzip your files?
  129. How about we go home and you handle my exception?
  131. Harry Potter
  132. Have you heard of Platform 9 and 3/4? Well, I can think of something else with the exact same measurements.
  133. If you were a Dementor, I'd become a criminal just to get your kiss.
  134. My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood!
  135. I know we're not in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming.
  136. My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.
  137. Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse.
  138. Hagrid's not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.
  139. Your name must be Severus Severus, because you're making my prince full blood.
  140. Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.
  141. I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky.
  142. Without you I feel like I'm in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.
  143. I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.
  144. If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together.
  145. You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro: You're growing me a bone.
  146. You must be magical, because I've fallen under your spell.
  147. I'm not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?
  148. I'd like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.
  149. You don't even have to say "Luminos Maxima" to turn me on!
  150. Have you been using the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you've made me stiff.
  151. Whaddya say you and me go look for the Room of Requirement?
  152. Do you want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.
  153. Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?
  154. Come on, let's do it Hippogriff style!
  155. One night with me and they'll be calling you MOANING Myrtle.
  156. You can have the portkey to my heart.
  157. Come here, I'll show you a REAL Patronus.
  158. I'd let you handle my wand any day!
  159. Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
  161. Science Fiction
  162. You, me, here... this couldn't be any better if I programmed the holodeck myself!
  163. Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'
  164. I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!
  165. Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light sabre?
  166. Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!
  167. I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby.
  168. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
  169. I've been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.
  170. "Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby."
  171. Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears on you never go back.
  172. How 'bout I slip into something more comfortable... like these STAR TREK VOYAGER pajamas!
  173. Nice buns, Princess! On your head, that is.
  174. Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.
  175. Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning'.
  176. Tell me of this thing you humans call (pause) love.
  177. Forgive my Kirk-like boldness, but you wanna go back to my mom's place and watch 'Dr. Who'?
  178. Earth woman, prepare to be probed!
  179. Nice Asimov.
  181. World Of Warcraft
  182. Nice pants, baby. What's the drop rate?
  183. Your eyes are so blue, they remind me of 24 stam gems.
  184. Do ya wanna grind?
  185. Yeah, that's right... I'm hung like a tauren.
  186. I've heard that you are an Epic mount.
  187. Come on, girl... I have the blessing of protection!
  188. Why don't you seduce me? My resistance is low.
  189. Hey Girl, do ya wanna socket my gem?
  190. Can I raid your molten core?
  191. Wanna take my Swift Pink Hawkstrider for a ride?
  192. You must be whitemane, because you just made my champion arise!
  193. My staff can use a little enchant. I have mats and will tip!
  194. I'm no Kobald, but you can take my candle anytime!
  195. "Looking for Group"
  196. My Heart is BOP and you just rolled Need
  197. Have you ever procced flurry on a Gizmo-tron jackhammer?
  198. Baby, being with me is like a Paladin casting Divine Shield. It'll last about 10 seconds and you won't feel a thing.
  199. You can summon my Imp!
  200. Are you a vendor, because I'd like to browse your goods.
  202. Pirate
  203. I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest!
  204. Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber!
  205. Me skull and crossbones aren't the only things I plan on raisin' tonight!
  206. Nice poop deck on ya, lady. Care for a swabbin'?
  207. Let me stick me cannon in your porthole.
  208. Arrrrrrrrrrrrr you free this Saturday?
  209. Is that an 'X' on the seat of your pants? 'Cause it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!
  210. Yo, ho ho! How 'bouts a bottle of rum?
  211. Do ya mind if the parrot watches?
  212. Strike yer panties and prepare to be boarded, lassie!
  213. (approach your target and place your arm on their nearest shoulder)"If you were a pirate, would you place your parrot on THIS shoulder or...(put your arm around them and touch the other shoulder)THIS shoulder?"
  215. Medieval
  216. Fair Maiden, you can scale my battlements any day!
  217. What's a princess like you doing in a dungeon like this?
  218. I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.
  219. Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!
  220. When I was put on the rack in the inquisition, my limbs weren't the only things that got stretched.
  221. What a fine set of chalices you have.
  222. It seems as if my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.
  223. You wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could sheath his sword, would you?
  224. Is that a knife in your armor? Or are you just happy to see me?
  225. If I were a horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.
  226. Would you care to see my longsword in action?
  227. You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?
  228. Your chastity belt would look great on the floor of my sleeping chamber.
  229. I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?
  230. It's not the size of the staff that matters, but the magic within.
  231. I am beset by this dragon in my loins, and only you can quench its fire!
  232. Don't believe the rumours you've heard... the Bubonic plague didn't affect my important organs.
  233. Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.
  234. They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.
  235. What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?
  236. I may not be a priest, but I can take you to the heavens, princess.
  237. Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.
  239. Halo
  240. You wanna ride on my 'hog?
  241. Are you impressed with how I handle my sniper? You should see what I can do with the weapon I pack under my armor.
  242. I usually press “X” to pick up weapons. Does that work for picking YOU up as well?
  243. I think something is wrong with my auto-aim. I can’t take my eyes off you.
  244. Do you need a Magnum because I’ve got one right here for you. In my pants.
  245. Are we playing Assault? Cause I’m pretty sure you are the bomb.
  246. When I came near you, the announcer said “unfreakinbelievable”... I would have to agree.
  247. What do you say I take my flag to your base and score?
  248. I’m like a plasma grenade. Let me get on you and you are guaranteed to explode.
  249. (eyeing the breast plate) I am a master dual wielder. Mind if I give those a go?
  250. I was following the indicator of where to score and it brought me to you.
  251. I would like to gain access to your base. Shall I enter from the front or the rear?
  253. Anime
  254. Gun DAM, you are FINE girl!
  255. Damn, girl, you must be a hollow. You make my zanpaku-to go bankai.
  256. Sometimes my friends call me Speed Racer, because adventure’s always waiting just ahead.
  257. If there was a hentai based on you, I’d buy it.
  258. Why don’t we go back to my place and find my Dragonballs?
  259. I was just checking you out from across the room with my Sharingan. I came over because I notice your chakra use is limited, and well let’s just say I really know how to get your chakra flowing.
  260. All the nubile lolis in my harem don’t think that I’m a complete loser.
  261. Why don't you come over to my house so we can watch a little Sailor Moon to get in the mood?
  262. Do they make you in hug pillow?
  263. I promise, I can always find a girls G-Force.
  264. I carry around my dead sister’s cell phone. Wanna sleep together?
  265. I’m having the urge to grow several penis tentacles.
  266. There’s enough Ai in Jailbait for the both of us.
  267. If you go out with me, I’ll treat you how I treat my Pocky. I’ll spend a lot of money on you, bring you home and finish you off within 5 minutes before I lay in bed crying myself to sleep.
  268. You can be my Henrietta and I will be your Guiseppe.
  269. Let’s find a quiet place to connect and form Voltron.
  270. My extensive Master Grade Gunpla collection is just proof of my magic fingers.
  271. Do you have a tampon I can put in my nostril? Because my nose started bleeding when I saw you.
  272. Yamato - "you seem a bit stiff, but i still got wood"
  273. Gaara - "Ever been shukaku'd?"
  274. Naruto - "I've got nine tails, think you can take them all in one shot?"
  275. Excuse me, is your name Hina? Because I think I’m in love.
  277. Pokemon
  278. Are you a pikachu? Because you are shockingly beautiful.
  279. Do you wanna battle? 'Cuz my balls are at the ready!
  280. My love for you burns like a Charizard's tail.
  281. If I were a Nidoking, you would be my Nidoqueen.
  282. If I were a Milktank, I'd use ATTRACT on you.
  283. Looking at your ass makes my bulba soar.
  284. Want to register your number in my PokeNav?
  285. Is that a Sudowoodo in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
  286. I'd like to ride you like a HORSEA.
  287. When I look at you, my Metapod can't get any harder.
  288. You remind me of Pokemon, I just want to Pikachu.
  289. Do you wanna play my Poke Flute?
  290. When I'm around you, I am like a Geodude, as hard as a rock!
  291. I've got Masterballs baby.
  292. Do you wanna play with my Poke Balls?
  293. I think I need a Paralyze Heal, because you're stunning.
  294. My Pokeballs are SWIFT in your mouth.
  295. Are you a RARE CANDY? 'cuz I feel a level-up.
  296. If you were a Pokemon, I'D CHOOSE YOU!
  297. Do you wanna LICKILICKY my icky sticky.
  298. My Donphan won't ROLLOUT for you much longer.
  299. Do you wanna see what's in my ball bag?
  300. Do you wanna see my POLI-WAG?
  301. Like an Umbreon, I also evolve at night.
  302. Can I fertilize you with my sunkern?
  303. How would you like me to use my Onix to BIND you to my bed?
  304. My Gyarados is BIG enough for you to ride it ALL day and night.
  305. Hey baby, wanna SPOINK?
  306. Your more beautiful than a Beautifly.
  307. Let's have a Togepi of our own!
  308. Want my Caterpie to use String Shot on you?
  309. I'd like to get in your rock tunnel.
  310. What's your favorite move? Mine is LICK.
  311. You'll be WEEZING after I'm done with you.
  312. You've got the lips of a Jynx!
  313. Can I get into YOUR Secret Base?
  314. You make my Darkrai rise.
  315. You remind me of Deoxys, you're out of this world.
  316. Those are some nice HOOTHOOTS you got there.
  317. I just want to stick it in your wooper.
  318. The name's cock..i mean brock..wait, i said that right.
  319. My Kadabra just used Future Sight, and it looks like we've got a future together.
  320. How would you like to see my viridian forest, well it's not really viridian.
  321. How about you come and see my safari zone.
  322. Want to ride my emPOLEon?
  323. You're such a good catch, i think i'll use my only MASTER BALL on you.
  324. Let's make like a Super Rod and hook up.
  325. I'm going to Hoppip into your pants.
  326. My Shellder wants to clamp onto your Slowpoke's tail!
  327. Squirtle isn't the ONLY one that can use water gun. - wink -
  328. STD’s are like Pokemon baby, gotta catch ‘em all! Wanna help me out?
  329. Do you like Pokeballs because you're about to get really close to one of mine.
  330. I wish I was a Seaking, so I could HORN DRILL you.
  331. Let's make RegiLove!
  332. Want to Link your cable onto me?
  333. I'd like to Leech my Seeds into you.
  334. You put the "Wiggle" in Wigglytuff.
  335. Aipom's pretty good with his hands, and so am I.
  336. I wanna see your Squirtle squirt.
  337. If I was a Pokemon right now, I'd be an Erectabuzz
  338. If you were in a Pokemon Contest, you'd win first place in the Beauty/Cuteness category.
  339. I think we're going to need Defog (HM05) before the night is done.
  340. I'd like to Slowpoke your Cloyster.
  341. Are you a Hitmonlee cause your body is kickin'.
  342. My Typhlosion knows Eruption.
  343. You make me feel like an Electrode, you give me an EXPLOSION in my pants.
  344. You make me errupt like the Cinnabar Island volcano.
  345. You must be a Charmander because you're getting me hot.
  346. Lets make like the pages of this guide book and get under the covers.
  347. Baby, I'm a Mismagius. I'll make all of your wildest dreams come true.
  348. My Lickitung can reach deeper than you can imagine!
  349. Don't make me use Water Gun all over you!
  350. Are you from the Hoenn Region? 'Cuz you're the only HO I see.
  351. I wanna Munchlax your Cloyster.
  352. I'm a real Machamp, if you know what I mean.
  353. How about you use REST, so i can sleep with you.
  354. My Typhlosion knows EXPLOSION!!
  355. You put the "Double-D" in Dodou.
  356. I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town.
  357. Have you been taking lessons from a Lickitung?
  358. Did you just FLASH(HM 05) me?
  359. Your gonna need a HYPERPOTION by the time i'm done with you.
  360. You put the "BONE" in Cubone.
  361. You set my Chimchar on fire.
  362. I'll use ROCK CLIMB in your Fortress.
  363. My Diglett's attracted to your SWEET SCENT.
  364. Did you use CONFUSE RAY?, cuz your making me dizzy.
  365. Do you wanna see my NUGGETS?
  366. I'd POUND you with my Piplup.
  367. You make me RY-HORNY!
  368. You just gave me a Cubone.
  369. My Bulbasaur knows TICKLE.
  370. I can make your Jigglypuffs sing.
  371. I can make your Milktanks moo.
  372. I wish you and I were Weedles, so you and I could make a Kakuna and evolve together.
  373. Hey, I've got some legendary pokemon, do you want to touch my pokeballs to see just how legendary they are?
  374. If you were a pokemon, you'd be a Squirtle, cause you make me wet!
  375. Let's go make a Mewtwo of our own.
  376. I wish I was a Magikarp, so I could use SPLASH on you!
  377. My Exeggcute are pretty weak. Let's battle so they can get some experience.
  378. Wanna watch my EKANS evolve?
  379. I made you some MOO-MOO MILK, but I forgot to use my Milktank.
  380. You make my Gyrados HYDROPUMP!
  381. I wanna spread HONEY on your Forretress.
  382. If I were a Ghastly, I'd seep right through your pants.
  383. You give my Gengar that smile.
  384. If I were a Hitmonchan, I'd Thunderpunch dat ass.
  385. Is that a TANGELA down there?
  386. Do you wanna see my BELL-SPROUT?
  387. Will you use ROCK POLISH on my Pokeballs?
  388. I wish I was an Abra, so I could TELEPORT to your bedroom.
  389. If I were a Pidgeotto, I'd GUST your pants off.
  390. It's a good thing that I'm a pokemon trainer and can handle your Jigglypuffs!
  391. If I were a Clefairy, I"d DOUBLE-SLAP dat ass.
  392. Do you have a Ditto in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants.
  393. My Magikarp knows a little more than SPLASH if you know what I mean.
  394. I like to compare myself with Smeargle...I'm pretty handy with a paintbrush.
  395. I think I'm going to need a Burn Heal because you're hot.
  396. You put the "cool" in Tentacool.
  397. Why don't you and me go back to my gym and have a naked battle.
  398. Do you want to help my ekans learn intercourse?
  399. starMiE and starYU belong together do you get the message?
  400. I've got an Onyx, and if you come over to my place I'll show you his move Earthquake (TM 27).
  401. I wish you were the ground and I was a Diglett so I could be inside of you.
Author Comments: 

I can't take the credit for all of them, and I may or may not be guilty for most of them...

Suggestions are welcome :)